On fate and the choices we make

I've consistently maintained, over the past decade or so, that there is no such thing as "fate" or a pre-determined set of outcomes for one's life. Even as a Catholic who believes in God, I still find it impossible to believe that God would grant human beings their freedom in an imperfect way. I mean, how would THAT conversation have gone? "Hi, human race... God here... So, I'm going to let all of you go about and do whatever you want, and be free to love me or not, but hey, some of you I've already decided will become saints, and others will become thieves, murderers, despots and George W. Bush."

I mean, c'mon. With the exception of Bush, whose idiocy seems either fated or just plain inevitable, everything else there would seem to really contradict the entire concept of "free to do whatever you want". Either God gave us freedom or he didn't. I don't see it being anything half-way. I'm kind of a religious existentialist in that regard; someone who believes in God, but who thinks that everything he has and will become depends entirely on his own choices.

But what about those times when it seems as if things were just "meant to be"? Meeting a soul mate, finding true love, discovering oil in your backyard as you plant the only tree you've ever planted in you life... aren't all these signs that fate must surely be involved? Why did that car get hit in the accident, and not mine? God must love me, right? (What, God didn't love the other guy?) Ummmm... are you kidding me? :)

I think that life does have those moments when we seem to be gifted with a lucky or unlucky occurence. But how we react, what choices we make, and what paths we choose to take ultimately determine what will happen to us. I don't believe in pure, dumb luck. I believe that, if our lives have to have meaning, we shouldn't make any important life decisions on the concept of what we are "fated" to do. Otherwise people from bad environments, with no initial money in hand, should all just give up and become criminals. It doesn't have to be this way, really.

For instance, take that car accident example earlier. Many accidents on the road happen because people are drunk (they weren't "fated" to drink that alcohol), sleepy (they weren't "fated" to stay up all night watching TV), or had malfunctioning car parts, such as bad tires (they weren't "fated" to NOT be checked-up regularly or replaced by new, more reliable tires). Many deaths are attributed to the fact that victims didn't wear their seatbelts (they weren't "fated" to not buckle-up). I mean, really, it's either your fault or someone else's fault. It's not God's fault.

That's the key: not thinking of anything as "God's fault", because thinking that way basically takes away your own power over your life. It makes you fatalistic (there's a reason "fate" is the root word there). You give up your own independence and freedom, and you say "Oh, well... it was/wasn't meant to be." Really now? Why/Why not?

So if your business fails, your relationship ends, your test scores come back and you've bombed, it might be good to stop believing that God is trying to punish you (trust me, He's got better ways to do it, and a lot of it involves fire and brimstone...) and instead start believing in your own power over your destiny. Either work harder to change your life, or give up those things which you don't honestly care about in the first place. There's a reason Bill Gates is the richest man in the world right now, even though he dropped out of Harvard and never got his college diploma.... well, he dropped out of Harvard. :) He took a chance, decided to control his own life, founded Microsoft and the rest, as they say, is history.

He certainly seemed "fated" to live a good life. He came from a good family and was studying in, arguably, the most famous and most prestigious university in the world. Wouldn't his life have been just great if he had stayed, graduated, and worked for some big company, rising through the ranks as an executive and, hopefully one day, CEO?

He didn't see it that way, though. Instead he thought, "I'll be a CEO today!" and founded his own company, starting off with nothing but an idea and a dream, and created the company most singularly responsible for getting people to curse at their (blue) computer screens. :) Now how about that for fate, eh?

Don't believe people who say you have no control. Don't believe people who say your life is "over". If that were true, then Tim Allen, the famous comedian and actor, wouldn't be a multi-millionaire right now. After all, he was arrested and convicted of dealing drugs and went to prison before he even started doing comedy and acting. Prison, folks... He's a convicted felon. Did that stop him from taking charge of his life when he got out and becoming a tremendous success? Heck, no!

Things don't even have to be as dramatic in your own life. It could be as simple as deciding to be friendlier to everybody each day, so that maybe one day in the future one of your new friends helps you get a better job. Isn't it obvious that the friendliest people are very often among the "luckiest" people? Or are you still moaning about that dude who got offered that job that YOU were more qualified for only because he knew, and was friends with, the boss? What, like friendship is an exclusive concept? You couldn't be just a bit nicer and frindlier throughout your life, and not just on the day you wanted the job? Think about it.

Lastly, to those who say, "But my family isn't rich, powerful or connected" I say the following: you may not always start out where you want, and that's not your fault (unless babies can somehow switch wombs before birth, in which case all rich, powerful women would probably start having octuplets or something), but where you end up is ENTIRELY your fault and your own call. Abraham Lincoln never graduated from elementary school. Beethoven was almost totally deaf when he wrote his Ninth Symphony. If you want a contemporary example, how about Muhammad Yunus, the Nobel Peace Prize winner who set up the Grameen Bank, created the concept of "micro-credit" and made a positive impact on millions of lives? He didn't need to do what he did, and he certainly wasn't "fated" to meet with poor people. Many, many people do that everyday. The difference is he made the choice to help, and the fact that he also made previous life-choices that enabled him to get a first-rate education in economics also helped. He put himself in a real position to be able to make a difference, and he did so because he chose to do so. Many richer, more famous, more powerful people are put into contact with underprivileged people, but how many make the active choice to devote their lives to helping make a difference?

Decide what to do with your life. Do it today. Don't waste another moment on the concept that you are meant to be the way you are. If you are happy with yourself, and totally satisfied, then fine. But how many of us really are? If there's something, anything, that makes you unhappy or makes you wish for something better... well, CHOOSE to change it. And to those who say things like, "But my boyfriend doesn't love me and I want him to love me!" I say, "He's made his choice." Now it's really up to you to decide if you want to remain in a love-less relationship or if you should move on and decide to find someone who will really care about you and respect you. Unless, of course, you believe God just wanted you to be miserable. As far as I'm concerned the only question you should be asking is "Do I want to be miserable?" Because if the answer is "no" then you ought to start walking down a different path.

After all, if you're on the road the Hell, shouldn't you turn around and walk the other way? =)

The importance of integrity in education

My dad gave me sage advice one day. "Whatever you do, don't ever compromise your integrity. At the end of the day, your reputation is more important than money."

It never ceases to surprise me what certain people will do for a buck. I'm not trying to be judgemental of those who have to make difficult choices because of need; rather, I'm referring to those who already have enough to live a decent life, but who are greedy enough to lie, cheat, steal or basically con people out of their own hard-earned money or to gain advantages for themselves and/or their families.

Just recently a Korean newspaper reported a "scandal" involving a top high school near Seoul that was involved in the leaking of entrance exam questions to both private academy owners and a parent of one of the involved children (who, naturally, passed the exam). This isn't the first time such a leak occured, and I've wondered just what drives people to do this. Why compromise a lifetime of work in the education sector (the school's admissions director is on the run from the law) just for a few bucks? Why risk your son/daughter's future by getting them involved in potentially criminal activity? For what reason should anyone allow an unqualified student into a prestigious school, risking both the school's reputation and the mental well-being of the student himself/herself?

I just think the mania engulfing education in Korea is getting dangerously close to a tipping point. I'm of the opinion that, within the next decade or so, a lot of regulatory changes will occur, and even the private education industry (including my business) will come under greater and greater scrutiny. It is in the best interests of anyone wishing to get involved in education to clean up his/her own act, and to focus a bit more on providing an excellent product without compromising on one's own integrity. I mean, we're teaching this kids to be better students, right? Why set the example of being bad educators?

The road less travelled...

Frost has always been one of my favorite poets, more so because I find myself identifying with many of the things he wrote.

One of the most "true" poems he's ever written would be "The Road Not Taken", not because it's so famous, but more because it is a pretty accurate picture of how decisions in life can impact your future.

I never could imagine myself living and working in Korea, for example, just 6 short years ago. I was a business consultant, tired of the grind, seeking new things in life. I accepted a one-year job offer to teach in Thailand's top private university mainly to explore new horizons, and to (admittedly) escape the stress of a job I was growing to like less and less.

One year stretched to four, however, and Thailand became not just a pit-stop, but more like a destination for life. I love that country so much, and I plan on retiring there. I still go there maybe twice or thrice a year, just to take a break, and I love everything about it: the food, the people, the general atmosphere of relaxed living.

Why then did I find myself in Korea? I've been asked this very question many times over, and I find that I have no real answer except that I liked the challenge of contributing to a national debate program in disarray, and I further liked the opportunity to work with very bright, very eager and very, very determined students. Plus, in many respects, Korea is almost the complete opposite of Thailand, and I wanted to see just how I would (or even if I could) adapt to such a great new challenge. If Thailand is my "safe" choice, the one that I'm sure I would always love, Korea is my "road less travelled".

It hasn't always been easy. I'm not even sure it's easy even now. :) I've battled prejudice, racial stereotyping, outright rejection of my ethnicity (from taxi drivers all the way to university professors) and even direct insults from old people on the subway. I've been victimized by unscrupulous people who tried to take advantage of me, and been used by people I'd come to trust. It's been an interesting set of experiences, to say the least, but I'm still here and I'm not intending to leave anytime soon. :) Heck, I've even started a business here, so I definitely am not planning on skipping town for a while yet.

I guess the whole idea Frost had of going down a path and finding it harder and harder to turn back and restart one's life afresh is resonating with me now. The more I sacrifice to endure things here, and to learn to adjust and adapt (i.e. learning the language, the culture and so on), the more I find it harder and harder to turn back. I just don't want to give up on Korea until I prove to myself that I can be a success and be accepted for such by mainstream Korean society. Call me stubborn, but I just can't imagine turning back now. It would seem like such a waste of two good years of my life.

Of course, no sane person would do any of this if he felt there wasn't anything worthwhile at the end. I mean, it's not like I'm living in NORTH Korea. :) I find many good things in Korea too. I have made some very good friends, found people I can trust in business and in life, grown to love the food and many aspects of the culture, and have even started understanding some of the fundamental motivations of the everyday Korean (which makes it easier to tolerate some of what I perceive to be difficult behavior). There's much to admire in a people that has survived devastating wars, occupations, dictators, and economic crises to become one of the leading lights of the Asian economic juggernaut. I can certainly understand why Koreans are so proud of being Korean; after all, how many other people in the world have been able to achieve so much in so little time. It's a testament to their determination, stubborness and work ethic that they've been able to do what they've done. I salute them for that.

But it's really individual Koreans that have drawn me in deeper into the metaphorical forest of Frost's poem. Each time I get frustrated by something, I meet some new person who fascinates me. I just saw a show on TV the other day that featured this man whose sole mission in life was to promote love of the Korean flag. Everyday he goes around his neighborhood handing out free flags or exhorting people with flags to proudly display them. I know many people in the Western world who'd call him crazy, but you've got to admire a guy who finds meaning in making other people prouder of their country. It's a heck of a lot more productive than spending your spare time learning Klingon or attending Trekkie conventions, I can tell you that much.

I guess the defining moment of my stay was when I spent one night out in the center of the city, together with what must have been a million people, watching the Korean national football team battle France in the World Cup. It was an amazing experience. :) Hundreds of Korean celebrities performed on stage before the game, during halftime and even after everything was done, as the first rays of morning sun peeped over the horizon. And when Park Ji-Sung toepicked that ball past Fabien Barthez's hands, securing an incredible draw, the roar I was swept up in was deafening, both sonically AND emotionally. Here was a people that lived and breathed passion for their country, that did not want to apologize for who or what they were, and that would willingly die for the glory of their nation. You've certainly got to respect that. It really touched me deep inside. It was an awesome feeling to have. And while I live here, I'll keep on the look-out for more of this to come.

* * * * *
The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
...Robert Frost