Essay on Love: ( I wrote this 4 years ago, but only re-discovered it today. I'd like to share it with all of you once again...) "When Love is not enough"
I have two friends who just recently broke up. It was the lady's choice, and the guy is just unable to deal with it. He's absolutely ripped up about the whole thing, and he can't understand why, if he truly, deeply, passionately loved her, she could just leave him and walk away.
The problem is that she's really much better off without him. She's more mature, and she's growing at a faster pace, meeting new people, discovering more of herself, while he is still clinging to an ideal of her that isn't true anymore. He still sees her as the girl he got together with last year, instead of the richer, more complete girl she has become. She didn't want to do it, but she had to let him go. He was holding her back from becoming the lady she knew she could be. He was preventing her from becoming more than the girl he thinks he loves.
I haven't spoken with him at length yet (he needs time to grieve), but I think this typifies why many men and women can't get over relationships. They pour so much of themselves into something that they sometimes miss the big picture altogether. Not to sound so high-minded (I have suffered through many such breakups myself, and I know how it feels to hurt), but what many don't realize is that LOVE SIMPLY IS NOT ENOUGH in a relationship.
I'm a romantic by nature, but a realist by inclination. I believe that two people who truly love each other can make things work, even in the face of tremendous odds. I just don't believe, however, that it is just the love that will see them through it, as so many other things come into the picture.
First, there is a common sense of happiness. If one person just isn't happy anymore, no matter how much the other loves that person, it just wouldn't be right for that person to stay. I mean, I'm going to tell this guy that she may be the right girl for him (or so he believes), but is he really the right guy for her? One of the most painful things to accept is that the person you are just may not be good enough. It's damn heartbreaking to admit, but sometimes that's the way life goes. Sometimes your best just isn't good enough. Or sometimes, what you give her isn't what she actually needs. And in the end, if you truly love a girl, it is really up to you to let go and move on, pain be damned. I mean, there is no way you can force a girl to be happy with you, no matter how happy you may be with her. That's not love anymore. That's selfishness.
Secondly, many people have to understand that two people are like circles. When they get together, the circles intersect, kinda like a Venn Diagram in Math (you know, those circles that overlap and are "shaded" where they meet...). Unfortunately for some, especially those who put all their eggs in one basket, no one's circle will ever stay the same. People grow. They learn new things, gain new experiences and meet new people. They become more than the people they used to be. And when that happens, the circle on one side of the relationship grows bigger and bigger, and the intersection, in sheer percentage terms, just gets smaller and smaller. In other words, it IS possible to outgrow a relationship, especially if that other person cannot, or refuses to, grow along with you. If he or she does not make an effort to participate in your growth... to contribute to helping you become better and happier, you will most likely feel less and less in love, and ultimately that love will die. I'm not saying we should always be intertwined... always trying to meddle in each other's affairs. Rather, I'm saying that we should accept that growing up is part of falling in love, and that we should constantly seek to re-evaluate and reaffirm our love for each other, constantly noting the new levels of growth and the new depths of your love's personality. Only when we ourselves learn to grow and to accept growth can we see our love deepen. Otherwise, it will die a natural death, no matter how much you say you "love" someone.
In the end, two people will never stay the same, no matter what the vows may have been in a relationship (marriage or otherwise). If you get together with someone not seeking to keep everything the same way it was when you first met, but rather seeking new ways to grow TOGETHER in love, then maybe, just maybe, your love will truly work.
The problem is that she's really much better off without him. She's more mature, and she's growing at a faster pace, meeting new people, discovering more of herself, while he is still clinging to an ideal of her that isn't true anymore. He still sees her as the girl he got together with last year, instead of the richer, more complete girl she has become. She didn't want to do it, but she had to let him go. He was holding her back from becoming the lady she knew she could be. He was preventing her from becoming more than the girl he thinks he loves.
I haven't spoken with him at length yet (he needs time to grieve), but I think this typifies why many men and women can't get over relationships. They pour so much of themselves into something that they sometimes miss the big picture altogether. Not to sound so high-minded (I have suffered through many such breakups myself, and I know how it feels to hurt), but what many don't realize is that LOVE SIMPLY IS NOT ENOUGH in a relationship.
I'm a romantic by nature, but a realist by inclination. I believe that two people who truly love each other can make things work, even in the face of tremendous odds. I just don't believe, however, that it is just the love that will see them through it, as so many other things come into the picture.
First, there is a common sense of happiness. If one person just isn't happy anymore, no matter how much the other loves that person, it just wouldn't be right for that person to stay. I mean, I'm going to tell this guy that she may be the right girl for him (or so he believes), but is he really the right guy for her? One of the most painful things to accept is that the person you are just may not be good enough. It's damn heartbreaking to admit, but sometimes that's the way life goes. Sometimes your best just isn't good enough. Or sometimes, what you give her isn't what she actually needs. And in the end, if you truly love a girl, it is really up to you to let go and move on, pain be damned. I mean, there is no way you can force a girl to be happy with you, no matter how happy you may be with her. That's not love anymore. That's selfishness.
Secondly, many people have to understand that two people are like circles. When they get together, the circles intersect, kinda like a Venn Diagram in Math (you know, those circles that overlap and are "shaded" where they meet...). Unfortunately for some, especially those who put all their eggs in one basket, no one's circle will ever stay the same. People grow. They learn new things, gain new experiences and meet new people. They become more than the people they used to be. And when that happens, the circle on one side of the relationship grows bigger and bigger, and the intersection, in sheer percentage terms, just gets smaller and smaller. In other words, it IS possible to outgrow a relationship, especially if that other person cannot, or refuses to, grow along with you. If he or she does not make an effort to participate in your growth... to contribute to helping you become better and happier, you will most likely feel less and less in love, and ultimately that love will die. I'm not saying we should always be intertwined... always trying to meddle in each other's affairs. Rather, I'm saying that we should accept that growing up is part of falling in love, and that we should constantly seek to re-evaluate and reaffirm our love for each other, constantly noting the new levels of growth and the new depths of your love's personality. Only when we ourselves learn to grow and to accept growth can we see our love deepen. Otherwise, it will die a natural death, no matter how much you say you "love" someone.
In the end, two people will never stay the same, no matter what the vows may have been in a relationship (marriage or otherwise). If you get together with someone not seeking to keep everything the same way it was when you first met, but rather seeking new ways to grow TOGETHER in love, then maybe, just maybe, your love will truly work.
-Peejay Garcia
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