Questions of the day

Question #1: If everyone in the world is unique, then how do you replace someone you love?

Question #2: And if every new person brings something new to the table, then is committing to someone an act of "settling" for something that might one day be eclipsed by someone else?

I've been wondering about these questions lately. On the one hand, we tell ourselves that no single love, no matter how great, could ruin an entire lifetime by its loss. This is the only way we can convince ourselves to move on, to continue to seek someone new, to not give up on love. But on the other hand, if it is possible to find a new love that is equally grand, if not more so, then why settle for just the one that you have now? Why not wait until a greater love comes along?

Perhaps I should add a third question: "When is a great love great enough for a lifelong commitment?"

I don't pretend to have all the answers. I guess each of us, in his or her own way, would have to find the answers that make sense for each of our lives. In situations like these, I doubt there's any rule of thumb anyway. Love, invariably, ends up becoming a phenomenological exercise... a sort of "you've got to experience it to understand it" kind of thing. For some, the question of who is the right love for them is answered quickly, and often happily. I have friends who married their childhood sweethearts, and seem very happy indeed. They have loving families, and are content with their lot in life. On the other hand, I also have friends who flit from one relationship to another... never satisfied with what they have, but still happy in that they have their freedom to choose that "great love" that may one day come along.

Whichever side of the spectrum you might be might depend on your inclinations and your own personal goals. If your goal is to have a family by the age of 25, then the best person you find by that age is really the person for you. If, however, your goal is to have a career you can be proud of, and a family later on, then finding the right guy/girl might not be so easy.

I'll keep thinking of my own answers to the questions I posted above, and may revisit this post a few years down the road. Right now, however, the answers I've got are, respectively:

1) You never do. You move on, celebrating the special time you had, but hopeful for the future and whomever it may bring.

2) If you even have a doubt as to whether you're settling for someone, then you're settling for someone. Don't settle.

3) The true test of "greatness" is whether it motivates you to action. Martin Luther King, Jr. was great because he motivated millions to action. The same goes for Gandhi, and Churchill, and even the old war leaders like Alexander the Great, Attila the Hun or Napoleon. If Wallis Warfield Simpson ever doubted King Edward VIII's love for her, the fact that he abdicated the throne and gave up a nation to marry her should have settled all doubts. So if I ever find that girl "great" enough... I won't have to wonder. When I slip that ring on her finger... THAT's when I know I've found that someone great.