I'm re-evaluating my life at the moment, and wondering if I'm making all the right decisions. I may have acted impetuously in some areas of my life, and I think I have to start being a bit more careful about my choices from now on. After all, I'm not getting any younger, and each new decision leads me further down a path I may not be able to come back from.
Normally I wouldn't care, as my life has been one long series of vignettes... of moving from place to place, city to city or even country to country, and discovering what life has to offer. At this stage, however, I'm starting to wonder if life hasn't already offered me the best deal I could get... and if perhaps I should start shouting "Deal!" instead of "No deal!" ;) (For those of you who didn't get that reference, you probably aren't fans of Howie Mandel either. :)
Hmmmm.... Deal? Or No Deal?
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Wednesday, May 24, 2006
Money isn't everything
Big decisions have to be made soon... mostly involving my future and money. I'm being offered a job that pays very well, but which would entail me losing a lot of the freedom and independence I so cherish. I was tempted for a long while... but no longer. I've decided to turn it down.
Funny how giving up a lot of money can somehow make you seem so free. :)
I've built my whole life around the principle that money would never rule my world. I've even taken huge pay cuts just to get the jobs that would make me happy in the end. For the most part, I've been successful in finding situations where I can be both fulfilled and yet marginally "successful," at least monetarily. The key for me, however, is living a simple, almost spartan lifestyle. Once you have few wants and needs, you have much less need of money, and that helps broaden my options; it helps to set me free.
I'm not going to be poor or anything like that... I certainly appreciate many of the finer things in life. I just won't be given to stupid expenditures that can't be justified, especially now that I'm giving up that other job. What use is money to me anyway? It's not like I need much to be happy. :) I've got all I want in life already, with the exception of one thing. And THAT you can never buy with money...
Funny how giving up a lot of money can somehow make you seem so free. :)
I've built my whole life around the principle that money would never rule my world. I've even taken huge pay cuts just to get the jobs that would make me happy in the end. For the most part, I've been successful in finding situations where I can be both fulfilled and yet marginally "successful," at least monetarily. The key for me, however, is living a simple, almost spartan lifestyle. Once you have few wants and needs, you have much less need of money, and that helps broaden my options; it helps to set me free.
I'm not going to be poor or anything like that... I certainly appreciate many of the finer things in life. I just won't be given to stupid expenditures that can't be justified, especially now that I'm giving up that other job. What use is money to me anyway? It's not like I need much to be happy. :) I've got all I want in life already, with the exception of one thing. And THAT you can never buy with money...
Saturday, May 13, 2006
I would weep, if I could
I would weep, if I could
For all the memories lost
Of a future now untold, unpassable
Now that you no longer tread the road
Beside me, in the dark, lonely night.
How sad is it that your presence
Is most greatly felt when you're gone,
And even the shadows seem more substantial
Than the hand I once felt holding my own?
And the most unrelenting sadness
Comes unbidden to my eyes
Even as they hide the tears I never cried
When I walked by your side
Down that road only you and I dared try.
I will never again have the chance
To tell you how much I love you
Or how much you helped me understand
That life is about more than hopes and dreams
And is, instead, a choice that we make
To stand and face the inchoate demons of doubt
That scream and rail and shout
Even as we write our own chapters with our own hands
And we taste the blood we spill as we bind them to our hearts.
My soul, forevermore, is altered
Without the calm, guiding softness of your smile
And the days that seemed bearable
In spite of the coldness of the nights
Seem no longer as warm, nor bright.
Help me, one last time, through the spirit that still
Inspires in me a yearning for the light,
To face the final steps of my own journey
To the eternal conclusion of my now lonely life.
*Dedicated to my good friend, Tarique, who lost his father. May his soul rest in peace... always.
For all the memories lost
Of a future now untold, unpassable
Now that you no longer tread the road
Beside me, in the dark, lonely night.
How sad is it that your presence
Is most greatly felt when you're gone,
And even the shadows seem more substantial
Than the hand I once felt holding my own?
And the most unrelenting sadness
Comes unbidden to my eyes
Even as they hide the tears I never cried
When I walked by your side
Down that road only you and I dared try.
I will never again have the chance
To tell you how much I love you
Or how much you helped me understand
That life is about more than hopes and dreams
And is, instead, a choice that we make
To stand and face the inchoate demons of doubt
That scream and rail and shout
Even as we write our own chapters with our own hands
And we taste the blood we spill as we bind them to our hearts.
My soul, forevermore, is altered
Without the calm, guiding softness of your smile
And the days that seemed bearable
In spite of the coldness of the nights
Seem no longer as warm, nor bright.
Help me, one last time, through the spirit that still
Inspires in me a yearning for the light,
To face the final steps of my own journey
To the eternal conclusion of my now lonely life.
*Dedicated to my good friend, Tarique, who lost his father. May his soul rest in peace... always.
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Climbing my own mountains
Life has new beginnings all the time. Every day has a new sunrise, every new friend you meet has a smile, every new memory brings new emotions that can elicit laughter, tears and everything else in between.
The problem with life is that some people are often only willing to begin something they think will make them happy in the end. I just had a chat with a good friend about whether or not to love someone, even though the relationship is "doomed" to fail. I told him that, on a practical level, it would be better not to go into it if it was so serious, because the pain would almost be unbearable at the end.
However, I also feel that life is not about the missed opportunities, the blown chances, the lasting regrets that we will never be able to make right. Life is about risking, each and every day, what contentment we might already have... because how can we truly be content when we don't know if we've tested our own limits? How can we be content when the only valley we know is the one we've lived in all our lives? Some days, wouldn't it just be cool to go climb up that scary mountain that casts a shadow over us everyday?
That's what I'm doing right now: climbing my own mountains. I'm not sure what I may see on the other side, or even if there will BE another side... but I do know that staying put won't ever make me happy. Not if there's a chance, small as it may be, that there's a more beautiful place somewhere not too far away.
My friend and I eventually settled upon the ideal that life is too damn short to be wasted by NOT choosing to love someone. I told him to go for it, because life is not complete without at least one tragic love story. :) I should know... I've had my fair share. But, really, how many opportunities do we get in life to love the person we truly want to love? When the chance presents itself, you MUST take it. There's really no other way to act.
Someone once asked Sir Edmund Hillary, the great mountaineer who, along with Tenzing Norgay, was the first to scale Mt. Everest, why he climbed the mountain. His response?
"Because it was there."
And THAT is why, if you ever need to find me, you'll have to look up a bit, into the shadows of the great mountain. I'll be somewhere up there.
The problem with life is that some people are often only willing to begin something they think will make them happy in the end. I just had a chat with a good friend about whether or not to love someone, even though the relationship is "doomed" to fail. I told him that, on a practical level, it would be better not to go into it if it was so serious, because the pain would almost be unbearable at the end.
However, I also feel that life is not about the missed opportunities, the blown chances, the lasting regrets that we will never be able to make right. Life is about risking, each and every day, what contentment we might already have... because how can we truly be content when we don't know if we've tested our own limits? How can we be content when the only valley we know is the one we've lived in all our lives? Some days, wouldn't it just be cool to go climb up that scary mountain that casts a shadow over us everyday?
That's what I'm doing right now: climbing my own mountains. I'm not sure what I may see on the other side, or even if there will BE another side... but I do know that staying put won't ever make me happy. Not if there's a chance, small as it may be, that there's a more beautiful place somewhere not too far away.
My friend and I eventually settled upon the ideal that life is too damn short to be wasted by NOT choosing to love someone. I told him to go for it, because life is not complete without at least one tragic love story. :) I should know... I've had my fair share. But, really, how many opportunities do we get in life to love the person we truly want to love? When the chance presents itself, you MUST take it. There's really no other way to act.
Someone once asked Sir Edmund Hillary, the great mountaineer who, along with Tenzing Norgay, was the first to scale Mt. Everest, why he climbed the mountain. His response?
"Because it was there."
And THAT is why, if you ever need to find me, you'll have to look up a bit, into the shadows of the great mountain. I'll be somewhere up there.
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Rest in Peace
One of my best friends, Tarique Shakil, lost his father this past Friday.
It is a profoundly painful time for him, as well as for his family, and I wish them my sincerest condolences in this time of grief.
Salaam Alaiykum, Mr. Shakil.
It is a profoundly painful time for him, as well as for his family, and I wish them my sincerest condolences in this time of grief.
Salaam Alaiykum, Mr. Shakil.
Congratulations to EDIS!
Congratulations are in order for the Ewha Women's University Division of International Studies Debating Society.... whew! What a mouthfull. :)
They just recently won the Paju English Village Young Challenger Debating Forum 2006. ;) 7 out of the 9 teams they sent reached the Octo-finals (top 16), 5 reached the Quarters, 3 reached the Semis and EDIS Team 3 won the whole darn thing. ;)
8 out of the top 10 speakers were from EDIS too.
All in all, an ok tournament for the girls. ;)
Congratulations!
They just recently won the Paju English Village Young Challenger Debating Forum 2006. ;) 7 out of the 9 teams they sent reached the Octo-finals (top 16), 5 reached the Quarters, 3 reached the Semis and EDIS Team 3 won the whole darn thing. ;)
8 out of the top 10 speakers were from EDIS too.
All in all, an ok tournament for the girls. ;)
Congratulations!
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