When Love is not enough...

Essay on Love: ( I wrote this 4 years ago, but only re-discovered it today. I'd like to share it with all of you once again...) "When Love is not enough"

I have two friends who just recently broke up. It was the lady's choice, and the guy is just unable to deal with it. He's absolutely ripped up about the whole thing, and he can't understand why, if he truly, deeply, passionately loved her, she could just leave him and walk away.
The problem is that she's really much better off without him. She's more mature, and she's growing at a faster pace, meeting new people, discovering more of herself, while he is still clinging to an ideal of her that isn't true anymore. He still sees her as the girl he got together with last year, instead of the richer, more complete girl she has become. She didn't want to do it, but she had to let him go. He was holding her back from becoming the lady she knew she could be. He was preventing her from becoming more than the girl he thinks he loves.
I haven't spoken with him at length yet (he needs time to grieve), but I think this typifies why many men and women can't get over relationships. They pour so much of themselves into something that they sometimes miss the big picture altogether. Not to sound so high-minded (I have suffered through many such breakups myself, and I know how it feels to hurt), but what many don't realize is that LOVE SIMPLY IS NOT ENOUGH in a relationship.
I'm a romantic by nature, but a realist by inclination. I believe that two people who truly love each other can make things work, even in the face of tremendous odds. I just don't believe, however, that it is just the love that will see them through it, as so many other things come into the picture.
First, there is a common sense of happiness. If one person just isn't happy anymore, no matter how much the other loves that person, it just wouldn't be right for that person to stay. I mean, I'm going to tell this guy that she may be the right girl for him (or so he believes), but is he really the right guy for her? One of the most painful things to accept is that the person you are just may not be good enough. It's damn heartbreaking to admit, but sometimes that's the way life goes. Sometimes your best just isn't good enough. Or sometimes, what you give her isn't what she actually needs. And in the end, if you truly love a girl, it is really up to you to let go and move on, pain be damned. I mean, there is no way you can force a girl to be happy with you, no matter how happy you may be with her. That's not love anymore. That's selfishness.
Secondly, many people have to understand that two people are like circles. When they get together, the circles intersect, kinda like a Venn Diagram in Math (you know, those circles that overlap and are "shaded" where they meet...). Unfortunately for some, especially those who put all their eggs in one basket, no one's circle will ever stay the same. People grow. They learn new things, gain new experiences and meet new people. They become more than the people they used to be. And when that happens, the circle on one side of the relationship grows bigger and bigger, and the intersection, in sheer percentage terms, just gets smaller and smaller. In other words, it IS possible to outgrow a relationship, especially if that other person cannot, or refuses to, grow along with you. If he or she does not make an effort to participate in your growth... to contribute to helping you become better and happier, you will most likely feel less and less in love, and ultimately that love will die. I'm not saying we should always be intertwined... always trying to meddle in each other's affairs. Rather, I'm saying that we should accept that growing up is part of falling in love, and that we should constantly seek to re-evaluate and reaffirm our love for each other, constantly noting the new levels of growth and the new depths of your love's personality. Only when we ourselves learn to grow and to accept growth can we see our love deepen. Otherwise, it will die a natural death, no matter how much you say you "love" someone.
In the end, two people will never stay the same, no matter what the vows may have been in a relationship (marriage or otherwise). If you get together with someone not seeking to keep everything the same way it was when you first met, but rather seeking new ways to grow TOGETHER in love, then maybe, just maybe, your love will truly work.

-Peejay Garcia 

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Why should I have faith in God?

A matter of perspective: (This will be long, but I believe it is worth the read, so please give it a go.) Last night a young student asked me how it was I could still have faith in God in spite of what had happened to me ( a serious stroke that left me semi-paralyzed for life); I answered him thusly...

One shouldn't have faith because of what he gets in life; one should believe in God because it is what He deserves from us... Any Christian who's ever read the Bible will know just how much God sacrificed for us and how much He loves us all. If faith is a form of devotion, then we owe Him ALL of our faith for that alone. However, if we MUST go by what we get in life, then, even then, God has been very good to me, you see; He gave me a loving family and many good friends. I always have shelter and good food to eat, plus I have a computer and a good internet connection... What more do I need, really?  I've been blessed... 

Even my stroke was a blessing, in its own way... I was wealthy, well-respected and constantly bathed in attention and general acclaim while I was in Korea and it caused me to forget about God in my life. I even stopped really being concerned about what was happening back home in the Philippines so much so that I lost touch with my family and most of my Philippine friends; I even decided never to come back to the land of my birth ever again because life was so good to me in Korea... I was rich, full of pride, and arrogant, but then God lay me low... 

In one fell swoop I lost my ability to physically be the same, dynamic self I used to be that got me so much money in the first place. I could no longer physically handle my usual 21-hour work days so much so that I had to give up work in Korea and return to the Philippines and, because I am no longer financially raking it in, I'm now relying on my family's love and support to get by. For the first time in many years I'm once again living in a home that has people who love and care about me. I'm reminded every single day now of just how wonderful my family is. How could I not consider this a blessing from God? 

Take it from me, the trappings of wealth, while a nice distraction in life, are really just that.... a "distraction;" they blind you to what truly matters in the end... I can no longer afford to be proud and arrogant; I must acknowledge I need others in my life. I must now acknowledge I need God's infinite love and grace to get by day-to-day...  There is a line in the Bible that goes, "What does it profit a man if he gains the entire world, but loses his immortal soul?" (Mark 8:36) 

Yes, my young friend, God took away my wealth, my prestige and privilege, even my physical body, but He gave me back my family, my friends, my country and my soul... How could I NOT feel blessed??? God has been SO good to me, you see... It would be totally illogical of me NOT to believe and have faith... I'm not a perfect Christian by any means, but with His loving grace, I hope to one day be more worthy of the name... Thank you for reading this far. I hope it's been worth your time... God bless you all!!! 

The highest standards

I've been told so many times by friends that one reason I'm still single and unmarried at my age is that my standards for women are too high... I don't see this as a negative. As far as I'm concerned if you're considering anyone for any serious long-term relationship you should hold her to the highest-possible standards you've got; and if she doesn't meet them, then move on... This is the single most important life decision I will ever make- selecting the mother of my future children, so I'll demand nothing but the very best... It's the least I can do for the children I know I will love and cherish one day... They deserve the very best mom in the world, after all... N'est-ce pas? :)

Lessons to be learned from a very hard day... :)

Dear young friends of mine who might soon be looking for jobs:

Please allow me to share the story of my day today, as I believe it might help some of you... 

I decided, not long ago, to send my resume in to a number of companies online, one of which was a call center. I got a call for a phone interview yesterday, passed it and then got invited in today for a test and an interview... I was told to come in at either 10 AM or 1 PM. I chose to come by 10 AM; however, as my mom always taught me, I arrived early, just in case... so by 8:30 AM I was already waiting in line with the hundreds of other applicants... 

I pass the verbal interview, then take the tedious computer-based simulation exam, after which I wait... and wait... and wait... I finally get to see the HR guy who interviews folks and he tells me they can only pay me very, very little compared to my previous earnings in Korea. I tell him that's ok because there is dignity in all legitimate work and I'd be happy just to join a good company with a good work environment...  He and I both know I'm overqualified for the job of call center agent, but I very carefully explain how it is I'm not looking down on the job, or the pay. He then carefully read over my resume again and noted that my experience would make me a great fit for trainer... I happily agree...  Alas, I am told I still have to wait (even though it's 4 pm and I haven't had lunch yet), but I patiently wait on, all smiles...  Anytime the HR guy comes over to apologize for the delay I tell him it's ok and that I'm happy to wait for the interview with the Training Manager.... 

Ok, come 5:30 pm my head is aching, my left side is throbbing in pain and I'm STILL smiling through it all...  When I finally am granted the interview I am smiling, cheerful and very, very polite, even though the original Call Center Agent job is way beneath my qualifications and my hoped-for pay. I still want the job because, as I said, there is dignity in ALL legitimate work... 

After interviewing me, the Training Manager then tells me she wants to recommend me for a higher position with the company (as a trainer for HR), but that she has to clear it with the big boss first, as the position technically has no current vacancies... I'm told by everyone at HR that the job is basically mine as long as I don't flub a mandatory interview with the big boss to be scheduled at a later date.... I ask for everyone's names, memorize each name and face and then shake everyone's hand... They are still so happy with me that, upon finding out I really hadn't eaten lunch they give me a 1-piece Chicken Joy Meal to take home with me...  I leave the company tired as hell, yet very satisfied... 

I'm sharing this story to share three valuable lessons:

1. Never look down on any job as being "beneath" you. In today's economy and work environment a job is a job is a job and there is dignity in all legitimate work, regardless of the pay;

2. No matter what hardship you have to endure in your job hunt ALWAYS KEEP A POSITIVE OUTLOOK. Very often companies deliberately put you through adversity to see how you will handle it, especially service-oriented companies like Call Centers... Throwing a fit or a tantrum won't help your job prospects, but projecting a bright, positive persona will do WONDERS for your likeability AND your chances of getting hired. More than 80% of good business is really about learning to deal with people rather than actual business/financial problems; and, finally...

3. ALWAYS try to remember names and faces, especially of the people you work with... It is significantly easier to fit in and be accepted in a group if everyone thinks you know them personally and help to put smiles on their faces each day... You'd be surprised how far a smile and a handshake can go while you're greeting someone by name... 

Trust me on this, my young friends... If you do all three, with your intellect and work ethic, YOU WILL GO A VERY LONG WAY indeed, and I shall be there proudly cheering you on at the finish line... 

Thanks for your time, and good luck with your future careers!!! 

What really happened to Malaysian Airlines Flight MH370...

Ok, just as an exercise in my imagination, I shall weigh in with my (very outlandish) theory for what happened to MH 370 of Malaysian Airlines: Remember, this is purely an exercise of my imagination, and I claim absolutely no knowledge of the actual truth... I just want to try to create a scenario for a Hollywood movie... 

Here goes:

After Osama Bin Laden's assassination, Al- Qaeda was left essentially headless and looking for direction, so its current leadership is under pressure to plan and execute a MASSIVE terror attack to regain its reputation AND to punish the Americans and their allies so Al-Qaeda's current top guy goes and meets with a nation sympathetic to its cause ( North Korea). Kim Jong-Eun, a bunch of rebel terrorists from Chechnya and Al-Qaeda then hatch an elaborate plot to deliver a dirty bomb to the very heart of a city that will cause chaos for the world should it be attacked by nuclear device, and which also has thousands of Americans... Seoul, Korea.

Two years prior to the flight, two Caucasian terrorists from Chechnya begin training to fly and mechanically maintain a Boeing 777. Al-Qaeda's Thai contacts then steal the passports of two foreign nationals who are allowed visa-free entry into Malaysia (an Austrian and an Italian)... Step One is complete.

Here's the essence of the plan:

Get the Chechen terrorist killers on board the flight with a North Korean-supplied dirty bomb as part of their luggage. Go through Malaysian Air because it has horrible security screening compared to an American Airline. Pick a flight with multiple US citizens aboard; then, after the flight has taken off, take over the plane, disable the necessary tracking equipment and fly the plane to Pyongyang, where it refuels. There, under protection of the more than 230 innocent hostages, the plane takes off and heads straight for Seoul, where there are millions of people AND 45,000 American soldiers. The conspirators figure the international community won't fire upon the innocent passengers so they get a short window to fly into Korean airspace...but there's a problem...

Mid-flight, the Chechen terrorists (who only joined the venture because they were promised millions of dollars worth of funds AND weapons to fight against Russia, want to divert the plane to Moscow instead and REALLY make a statement versus Russia. They refuse to take off and head for the original target of Seoul; Kim Jon-Eun goes ballistic and orders them executed... Now, with no pilots and/or mechanics, the Boeing 777 is essentially stranded in Pyongyang awaiting instructions on what to do...

Meanwhile, in America AND Korea, the authorities can see, via satellite image) where the plane is and thermal imaging determines the vast majority of passengers are still alive (though suffering horribly with backed up toilets on a single plane)... A plan is hatched to send a joint American-Korean elite military task force into North Korea to free the hostages, disable the dirty bomb and bitch-slap Kim Jong-Eun back into respectable behavior... An American proposal to send in a drone to strike the plane is heatedly debated, but ultimately abandoned, as this would, essentially be like a nuclear strike in the heart of Pyongyang (the dirty bomb is still on the plane, after all)...

One week passes as a "Raid on Entebbe" style raid is prepared and practiced by the Americans and Koreans deep within the heart of the American military base in downtown Seoul (near Itaewon), but nothing is mentioned to the world because the Malaysian government does not want to appear totally incompetent and the Americans fear that the Chechen involvement might bring Russia into the conflict just as tensions with the Ukraine are at their peak (plenty of movie drama possible here...). 

Which leads us to the present day... The task force is deemed ready and the raid is scheduled for TONIGHT (cue dramatic John Williams music)... 

I'm still working on the ending... 

This story, and all its international copyrights belong to Peejay Garcia (all rights reserved, circa 2014). 

Philosophical thought: Going out with a bang...

Assuming I was in an airplane about to crash and I was sure I would die in a fiery ball of death, I would leap out of the plane and fall to my death by pretending I was flying; I mean, if I'm going to go anyway, I figure I might as well go out in the most thrilling, exhilerating way possible, right? :)

Who's with me? :)