Keeping a positive attitude

I will be more positive. I will. :)

What we need in the world is proportionality

I don't have a fancier term for it right now, but I have this particular philosophy with regard to relationships: proportionality.

I believe that the measure of what some act is worth is not so much any absolute value of the act (like price, etc.) but rather the intrinsic worth of that act to the person doing it, and the intent for which it was done.

For instance, a billionaire can easily buy a hundred diamond rings. So when he gives a girl one of them, just how special is that?

On the flip side, if a person of modest means (that's most people) decides to save up for months to buy a humble gold necklace... isn't that supposed to be worth a lot more?

I think part of the problems we have in life involves our unwillingness to judge people by the proportionality of their actions. Instead we seem to always want absolutes. All too often we hear things like "You only see me once a week," or, "You could have gotten me more flowers..." Whatever happened to, "I know this meant a lot to you, and took a lot from you, so I really, really appreciate it?"

* special personal note *
In any case, I know you're reading this, since you just told me you were, so I'd like to thank you for all the times you made the effort to do things for me, even if I sometimes didn't acknowledge them. I just hope you also realize how many times I really did do my best to do what I could. It may not have been much in the grand scheme of things, but it was a big chunk of what I had to give.
* end of special personal note *

Proportionality changes, mind you. As our lives change, so do our opportunities to interact with each other. So if it USED to be a big deal, but now more can be done but isn't, then suddenly that person you're doing things for is no longer really as important to you. However, the opposite holds true, if you had more time back then to do things for someone, but have since gotten more busy, doing the same thing requires greater sacrifice. So it should mean more.

Until I get a better name for it, it'll be this: Proportionality. It may not sound like much, but to me it means a whole lot.

Congratulations! :)

One of my ex-girlfriends just told me she's going to get married. :) I'm happy for her, and would like to extend her, and her future husband, all the best wishes in the world!

I don't know why, but when people you care about are really happy, it helps make you happy too. :)

Today is a good day.

500+ friends on Facebook! :)

New milestone for me... over 500 friends on Facebook as of this weekend. :) Coolness.... ;)

Why I don't tell people about my day

It's just the same routine, pretty much... over and over. :) I don't know whether to be happy that life has stabilized or be sad that life is an endless cycle of boredom.

Here's what my day usually looks like:

1) Wake up
2) Check mail, read news
3) Eat
4) Check mail, read news, work
5) Work harder
6) Eat
7) Check mail, read news, work harder
8) Keep working
9) Eat
10) And the work keeps on coming...
11) Check mail, read news
12) Go to bed

Repeat the cycle the next day

See what I mean? :)

If you must dream, why not dream big?

My grandfather has a fantastic philosophy on life. I was just reminded of it today.

One day, after telling my mom about all the great things he would do if he ever won the lottery, my mom responded with something like, "Why are you dreaming so much? You should be more realistic and focus on more practical things." (My mom's an accountant...why do they all seem like that? :)

My grandfather replied, "They're MY dreams. Why shouldn't I dream big?"

:)

I love my grandfather. His philosophy is perfect for me. In fact, I can honestly say it's helped to shape my life. I have ALWAYS dreamed big; always challenged conventional wisdom. It's what has helped me achieve what I have. I don't pretend to be perfect, nor do I always achieve what I set out to do... but can I say that I've achieved MORE in life thinking the way my grandfather does? Absolutely. :)

We all need goals in our lives. The size and scope of these goals eventually SHAPE our lives. If you want to lead a "big" life, live big dreams. :) You might be surprised what you'll find you've accomplished once you wake up.

Re-activating this blog

I've decided to start writing regularly again. I don't know... I guess I miss the whole idea of setting my thoughts down somewhere. All my work has really distracted me from some of the things I normally love to do, including writing.

I'll try my best to make this a daily thing. :) Fingers crossed...

Beware... the Vatican announces 7 NEW deadly sins

I'm not making this one up. There are apparently new sins to worry about (as if the world didn't already have enough sinning going on). Here they are, listed along with the "old" sins that Pope Gregory laid out in the 6th century.

THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS

Old

Sloth
Envy
Gluttony
Greed
Lust
Wrath
Pride

New

Genetic modification
Carrying out experiments on humans
Polluting the environment
Causing social injustice
Causing poverty
Becoming obscenely wealthy
Taking drugs

To be honest, I'm not so sure I agree with the "obscenely wealthy" sin. I look at people like Warren Buffett (this year's richest man in the world according to Forbes magazine), and the fact that he's donating 85% of his wealth to charity, and that he's a really simple guy who's lived in the same home for 35 years, and I just can't imagine him burning in hell.

We also have the problem of degree. I mean, littering is polluting the environment. Should a person who drops a candy wrapper (non bio-degradable...tsk tsk) be a mortal sinner too? (I'm obviously being a bit sarcastic. I know that's not what they meant.)

But I firmly, completely agree with the "taking drugs" one. I know some of my friends will oppose me on this, but I believe that this should be a sin. Ironically, this puts Catholics in line with Muslim teachings... which do not allow any of the faith to take "mind-altering substances". We Catholics just happen to be about a thousand years late.

Young adopted child abandoned by her adoptive parents, one of whom is a Dutch diplomat

This person and his wife should be ashamed of themselves. This is outrageous!

For those of you who have high-blood pressure and don't want to get upset, please do NOT read any further. This case infuriated me, and if I ever meet with this man and his wife, I swear I will let him know exactly how insufferable this is. What a disgrace to humanity and common decency these two are!

* * * * *
(Source: Chosun Ilbo)

The case of an eight-year old Korean girl who was adopted and later dumped by a Dutch diplomatic couple has caused an international outcry. Born in Daegu, Jade is now in danger of ending up a displaced orphan in Hong Kong, as her adoptive parents allegedly decided she did not “fit in” seven years after they adopted her as an infant. Jade was adopted at the age of four months in January 2000 by the Dutch diplomat, who was working in South Korea, and his wife. At the time, the woman reportedly believed she was infertile, but the couple have since had two children of their own. They moved to Hong Kong in July 2004 and early last year decided they did not want Jade any more and left her in the care of Hong Kong’s Social Welfare Department.
Since then, Jade has been shunted from home to home, living sometimes at the home of a foreign missionary or at a welfare center. Since September, three people including a South Korean woman married to an American and a Hong Kong resident of North Korean descent have expressed interest in adopting Jade. But their wishes were frustrated due to complicated adoption requirements. Jade was for some reason not given Dutch citizenship by her adoptive parents, nor does she have residence rights in Hong Kong. She cannot speak Korean, only English and Cantonese.

The case made international headlines when the Hong Kong and Dutch press published the story together with the names and photographs of Raymond Poeteray (55) and his wife. Dutch daily De Telegraaf said Jade had been discarded like “a piece of household rubbish.'" The South China Morning Post of Hong Kong on Saturday carried an interview with an Indonesian woman who worked as a nanny for Jade in Jakarta, where Poeteray was posted before coming to Hong Kong, in 2004. She said the couple treated Jade quite differently from their own children and the woman rarely hugged the girl.

Hilbrand Westra, a coordinator for United Adoptees International Netherlands, said the Dutch government was now responsible for the girl's fate and welfare. Global Overseas Adoptees' Link (GOAL) urged both the South Korean and Dutch governments to conduct a thorough investigation, saying, "Children are not refundable. Adoption is a lifelong promise."

The Poeterays have written to the Telegraaf in their defense. "After our daughter came to our family we found it was hard to make real contact with her... in 2004 Hong Kong medical specialists diagnosed that she suffered from fear of bonding in a severe form," they wrote. "Despite what was written in the media we are not trying to get rid of our daughter and have not formally given her up.”

But the Dutch Foreign Ministry last Friday temporarily recalled Poeteray, a vice consul at the Consulate General. A spokesman for the ministry said the matter was “a private and domestic matter” and there were no legal concerns. However, the decision was apparently triggered by to the glare of international media attention.

Meanwhile, Korean residents in Hong Kong are furious. They are demanding the Poeterays tell the whole truth or the Dutch government apologize. They also urged the South Korean government to treat the matter as a diplomatic issue.

On fate and the choices we make

I've consistently maintained, over the past decade or so, that there is no such thing as "fate" or a pre-determined set of outcomes for one's life. Even as a Catholic who believes in God, I still find it impossible to believe that God would grant human beings their freedom in an imperfect way. I mean, how would THAT conversation have gone? "Hi, human race... God here... So, I'm going to let all of you go about and do whatever you want, and be free to love me or not, but hey, some of you I've already decided will become saints, and others will become thieves, murderers, despots and George W. Bush."

I mean, c'mon. With the exception of Bush, whose idiocy seems either fated or just plain inevitable, everything else there would seem to really contradict the entire concept of "free to do whatever you want". Either God gave us freedom or he didn't. I don't see it being anything half-way. I'm kind of a religious existentialist in that regard; someone who believes in God, but who thinks that everything he has and will become depends entirely on his own choices.

But what about those times when it seems as if things were just "meant to be"? Meeting a soul mate, finding true love, discovering oil in your backyard as you plant the only tree you've ever planted in you life... aren't all these signs that fate must surely be involved? Why did that car get hit in the accident, and not mine? God must love me, right? (What, God didn't love the other guy?) Ummmm... are you kidding me? :)

I think that life does have those moments when we seem to be gifted with a lucky or unlucky occurence. But how we react, what choices we make, and what paths we choose to take ultimately determine what will happen to us. I don't believe in pure, dumb luck. I believe that, if our lives have to have meaning, we shouldn't make any important life decisions on the concept of what we are "fated" to do. Otherwise people from bad environments, with no initial money in hand, should all just give up and become criminals. It doesn't have to be this way, really.

For instance, take that car accident example earlier. Many accidents on the road happen because people are drunk (they weren't "fated" to drink that alcohol), sleepy (they weren't "fated" to stay up all night watching TV), or had malfunctioning car parts, such as bad tires (they weren't "fated" to NOT be checked-up regularly or replaced by new, more reliable tires). Many deaths are attributed to the fact that victims didn't wear their seatbelts (they weren't "fated" to not buckle-up). I mean, really, it's either your fault or someone else's fault. It's not God's fault.

That's the key: not thinking of anything as "God's fault", because thinking that way basically takes away your own power over your life. It makes you fatalistic (there's a reason "fate" is the root word there). You give up your own independence and freedom, and you say "Oh, well... it was/wasn't meant to be." Really now? Why/Why not?

So if your business fails, your relationship ends, your test scores come back and you've bombed, it might be good to stop believing that God is trying to punish you (trust me, He's got better ways to do it, and a lot of it involves fire and brimstone...) and instead start believing in your own power over your destiny. Either work harder to change your life, or give up those things which you don't honestly care about in the first place. There's a reason Bill Gates is the richest man in the world right now, even though he dropped out of Harvard and never got his college diploma.... well, he dropped out of Harvard. :) He took a chance, decided to control his own life, founded Microsoft and the rest, as they say, is history.

He certainly seemed "fated" to live a good life. He came from a good family and was studying in, arguably, the most famous and most prestigious university in the world. Wouldn't his life have been just great if he had stayed, graduated, and worked for some big company, rising through the ranks as an executive and, hopefully one day, CEO?

He didn't see it that way, though. Instead he thought, "I'll be a CEO today!" and founded his own company, starting off with nothing but an idea and a dream, and created the company most singularly responsible for getting people to curse at their (blue) computer screens. :) Now how about that for fate, eh?

Don't believe people who say you have no control. Don't believe people who say your life is "over". If that were true, then Tim Allen, the famous comedian and actor, wouldn't be a multi-millionaire right now. After all, he was arrested and convicted of dealing drugs and went to prison before he even started doing comedy and acting. Prison, folks... He's a convicted felon. Did that stop him from taking charge of his life when he got out and becoming a tremendous success? Heck, no!

Things don't even have to be as dramatic in your own life. It could be as simple as deciding to be friendlier to everybody each day, so that maybe one day in the future one of your new friends helps you get a better job. Isn't it obvious that the friendliest people are very often among the "luckiest" people? Or are you still moaning about that dude who got offered that job that YOU were more qualified for only because he knew, and was friends with, the boss? What, like friendship is an exclusive concept? You couldn't be just a bit nicer and frindlier throughout your life, and not just on the day you wanted the job? Think about it.

Lastly, to those who say, "But my family isn't rich, powerful or connected" I say the following: you may not always start out where you want, and that's not your fault (unless babies can somehow switch wombs before birth, in which case all rich, powerful women would probably start having octuplets or something), but where you end up is ENTIRELY your fault and your own call. Abraham Lincoln never graduated from elementary school. Beethoven was almost totally deaf when he wrote his Ninth Symphony. If you want a contemporary example, how about Muhammad Yunus, the Nobel Peace Prize winner who set up the Grameen Bank, created the concept of "micro-credit" and made a positive impact on millions of lives? He didn't need to do what he did, and he certainly wasn't "fated" to meet with poor people. Many, many people do that everyday. The difference is he made the choice to help, and the fact that he also made previous life-choices that enabled him to get a first-rate education in economics also helped. He put himself in a real position to be able to make a difference, and he did so because he chose to do so. Many richer, more famous, more powerful people are put into contact with underprivileged people, but how many make the active choice to devote their lives to helping make a difference?

Decide what to do with your life. Do it today. Don't waste another moment on the concept that you are meant to be the way you are. If you are happy with yourself, and totally satisfied, then fine. But how many of us really are? If there's something, anything, that makes you unhappy or makes you wish for something better... well, CHOOSE to change it. And to those who say things like, "But my boyfriend doesn't love me and I want him to love me!" I say, "He's made his choice." Now it's really up to you to decide if you want to remain in a love-less relationship or if you should move on and decide to find someone who will really care about you and respect you. Unless, of course, you believe God just wanted you to be miserable. As far as I'm concerned the only question you should be asking is "Do I want to be miserable?" Because if the answer is "no" then you ought to start walking down a different path.

After all, if you're on the road the Hell, shouldn't you turn around and walk the other way? =)

The importance of integrity in education

My dad gave me sage advice one day. "Whatever you do, don't ever compromise your integrity. At the end of the day, your reputation is more important than money."

It never ceases to surprise me what certain people will do for a buck. I'm not trying to be judgemental of those who have to make difficult choices because of need; rather, I'm referring to those who already have enough to live a decent life, but who are greedy enough to lie, cheat, steal or basically con people out of their own hard-earned money or to gain advantages for themselves and/or their families.

Just recently a Korean newspaper reported a "scandal" involving a top high school near Seoul that was involved in the leaking of entrance exam questions to both private academy owners and a parent of one of the involved children (who, naturally, passed the exam). This isn't the first time such a leak occured, and I've wondered just what drives people to do this. Why compromise a lifetime of work in the education sector (the school's admissions director is on the run from the law) just for a few bucks? Why risk your son/daughter's future by getting them involved in potentially criminal activity? For what reason should anyone allow an unqualified student into a prestigious school, risking both the school's reputation and the mental well-being of the student himself/herself?

I just think the mania engulfing education in Korea is getting dangerously close to a tipping point. I'm of the opinion that, within the next decade or so, a lot of regulatory changes will occur, and even the private education industry (including my business) will come under greater and greater scrutiny. It is in the best interests of anyone wishing to get involved in education to clean up his/her own act, and to focus a bit more on providing an excellent product without compromising on one's own integrity. I mean, we're teaching this kids to be better students, right? Why set the example of being bad educators?

The road less travelled...

Frost has always been one of my favorite poets, more so because I find myself identifying with many of the things he wrote.

One of the most "true" poems he's ever written would be "The Road Not Taken", not because it's so famous, but more because it is a pretty accurate picture of how decisions in life can impact your future.

I never could imagine myself living and working in Korea, for example, just 6 short years ago. I was a business consultant, tired of the grind, seeking new things in life. I accepted a one-year job offer to teach in Thailand's top private university mainly to explore new horizons, and to (admittedly) escape the stress of a job I was growing to like less and less.

One year stretched to four, however, and Thailand became not just a pit-stop, but more like a destination for life. I love that country so much, and I plan on retiring there. I still go there maybe twice or thrice a year, just to take a break, and I love everything about it: the food, the people, the general atmosphere of relaxed living.

Why then did I find myself in Korea? I've been asked this very question many times over, and I find that I have no real answer except that I liked the challenge of contributing to a national debate program in disarray, and I further liked the opportunity to work with very bright, very eager and very, very determined students. Plus, in many respects, Korea is almost the complete opposite of Thailand, and I wanted to see just how I would (or even if I could) adapt to such a great new challenge. If Thailand is my "safe" choice, the one that I'm sure I would always love, Korea is my "road less travelled".

It hasn't always been easy. I'm not even sure it's easy even now. :) I've battled prejudice, racial stereotyping, outright rejection of my ethnicity (from taxi drivers all the way to university professors) and even direct insults from old people on the subway. I've been victimized by unscrupulous people who tried to take advantage of me, and been used by people I'd come to trust. It's been an interesting set of experiences, to say the least, but I'm still here and I'm not intending to leave anytime soon. :) Heck, I've even started a business here, so I definitely am not planning on skipping town for a while yet.

I guess the whole idea Frost had of going down a path and finding it harder and harder to turn back and restart one's life afresh is resonating with me now. The more I sacrifice to endure things here, and to learn to adjust and adapt (i.e. learning the language, the culture and so on), the more I find it harder and harder to turn back. I just don't want to give up on Korea until I prove to myself that I can be a success and be accepted for such by mainstream Korean society. Call me stubborn, but I just can't imagine turning back now. It would seem like such a waste of two good years of my life.

Of course, no sane person would do any of this if he felt there wasn't anything worthwhile at the end. I mean, it's not like I'm living in NORTH Korea. :) I find many good things in Korea too. I have made some very good friends, found people I can trust in business and in life, grown to love the food and many aspects of the culture, and have even started understanding some of the fundamental motivations of the everyday Korean (which makes it easier to tolerate some of what I perceive to be difficult behavior). There's much to admire in a people that has survived devastating wars, occupations, dictators, and economic crises to become one of the leading lights of the Asian economic juggernaut. I can certainly understand why Koreans are so proud of being Korean; after all, how many other people in the world have been able to achieve so much in so little time. It's a testament to their determination, stubborness and work ethic that they've been able to do what they've done. I salute them for that.

But it's really individual Koreans that have drawn me in deeper into the metaphorical forest of Frost's poem. Each time I get frustrated by something, I meet some new person who fascinates me. I just saw a show on TV the other day that featured this man whose sole mission in life was to promote love of the Korean flag. Everyday he goes around his neighborhood handing out free flags or exhorting people with flags to proudly display them. I know many people in the Western world who'd call him crazy, but you've got to admire a guy who finds meaning in making other people prouder of their country. It's a heck of a lot more productive than spending your spare time learning Klingon or attending Trekkie conventions, I can tell you that much.

I guess the defining moment of my stay was when I spent one night out in the center of the city, together with what must have been a million people, watching the Korean national football team battle France in the World Cup. It was an amazing experience. :) Hundreds of Korean celebrities performed on stage before the game, during halftime and even after everything was done, as the first rays of morning sun peeped over the horizon. And when Park Ji-Sung toepicked that ball past Fabien Barthez's hands, securing an incredible draw, the roar I was swept up in was deafening, both sonically AND emotionally. Here was a people that lived and breathed passion for their country, that did not want to apologize for who or what they were, and that would willingly die for the glory of their nation. You've certainly got to respect that. It really touched me deep inside. It was an awesome feeling to have. And while I live here, I'll keep on the look-out for more of this to come.

* * * * *
The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference
...Robert Frost

Everyone has a dream. What's yours?

Do we really know what we want in life? Or do we just THINK we know? (Yes, I know you're not supposed to start sentences with a preposition, but this is MY blog, so there... :)

I recently saw an old post of mine in another blog regarding my long-term goals in life. The shocking thing was that they were totally different from the goals I think I have now. Totally. Not even one thing the same, really. And this was just 4 years ago.

It made me realize that I either got really fickle about my life, or that significant events/opportunities/changes have led me to re-evaluate what I consider really important.

It also made me think that perhaps we ought to evaluate ourselves every few years, to see if we still follow the same path we set for ourselves (or whether we even have a path, as the case may be). I think I'm going to start doing that each year.

Just to illustrate what I mean, I never expected to find myself in Korea, owning my own business and doing what I feel I was born to do: educating young people in how to communicate better. A few years ago, I was teaching in Thailand, thinking of other things, dreaming other dreams. A few years prior to that, I had my own consulting company in the Philippines, helping big companies make more money that they probably didn't really need. :) I had different dreams then too.

I guess my life just typifies my philosophy: never say "no" to an opportunity; always allow yourself to be open to new dreams. It's led me to a very rich, varied and fulfilling life so far. I have many friends in different places, many languages learned (to varying degrees of fluency) and many sights seen, paths tread and future possibilities imagined. It's kinda cool, actually. :) By never saying that my life should ONLY be one thing, I've allowed my life to become many different things to me. That, in turn, has made me happy, in many new ways. :)

So, really, what's YOUR dream? Mine seems to be quite fluid. The only thing that is constant seems to be me... happily along for the ride. :)

Which would you choose: a higher-ranked university, or one with better social connections?

Having lived in Korea for over a year now, I'm realizing just how important Koreans consider social networking in their choice of which university to attend. I know many Koreans who would rather give up their ideal school or dream career in order to attend Harvard University, even if it means taking a path they did not really want to take, all because of the name value of Harvard.

We all know that certain schools have advantages when it comes to things like networking with the wealthy in our countries, etc. I'm wondering how much of that is factored into the decision for all of you.

Basically, I'm asking this question:

"If you had to choose between a much higher ranked university according to reputable authorities or a much more socially-prestigious university (according to your own perception, as well as those of your family and friends), which one would you choose?"

And I guess another reason I'm asking is because, if I'm operating in the real world, I'd have a rankings system that took into account the power of that university's alumni network, and the average salary and corporate/professional position of its graduates. After all, of what use is an education if it doesn't get you what you want in life?

Wine and Cheese

Just to keep a running blog on nice things I've had lately, I had some excellent 2003 Castello Banfi Chianti Classico Riserva last night, along with an exceptional Capresce salad and a superb cheese platter (the caviar was yummy too). Great stuff. :)

This is what I live life for. ;)

Who does GMA think she's fooling?

After the admissions from certain governors that they got bribed by Malacanang, out comes this new "admission" from the LPP that they were the ones behind it. This after that "accidental" explosion in Glorietta (on the same day that 3 bishops call for her resignation)? What's up? How dumb does she think Filipinos are?

Perhaps, more directly, how dumb ARE we? Why do we continue to let her get away with this?

I marched along with hundreds of thousands of others to overthrow a corrupt politician in Erap... and yet now that we have clear evidence of wrongdoing from his successor, we do nothing? Have we all given up already? Has it gotten THAT bad in the Philippines? No wonder we are near the bottom of all countries in the world in the global corruption index. It's pathetic, really.

I've held off making any sort of political statement on this blog (and been too busy these past months to even WRITE in the blog), but I just can't take this anymore. Thank God this is her last term in office. She's starting to remind me of Marcos.

Monday's Dinner

Pan-seared Foie Gras
King Crab Bisque
Lamb Chops
500-day grain-fed Wagyu Beef
Freshly-made Grand Marnier Souffle

All topped off by a superb 2003 Chianti (Geografico Classico)

=)

Sometimes, it's the little moments that make life worthwhile.

My Mom

I just spent the past three days visiting my mom in Virginia. It was the first time I'd seen her in 3 years, and I must say that it was great seeing her again. :)

My mom and I have had our share of disagreements in the past, mainly due to her trying to "mother" me too much (I know... she's a mom, it's what moms do). :) But now that I'm financially independent, she doesn't bother with it too much other than the occasional phone call telling me to take vitamins or get health check-ups. This trip, therefore, we were able to just sit and talk and just get a feel for how we've both changed over the past few years. It was good getting a chance to talk to my mom that way.

She's quite happy with her life now, and I'm quite happy for her. She's got a great job, she lives in a wonderful area of Virginia, and she's more at peace now than I've seen her in a long time. The only thing more I could wish for her would be to never have this ride end. ;)

All of this, however, has made me think about the people that shape our lives, and at how often we never get to appreciate all of the things they've done for us in the past. As kids, one of the easiest things to do is to love the "great" uncle or aunt or grandparent who spoils us and gives us anything we want. It's much harder to appreciate the stern parent who disciplines us or who decides not to give us everything, in order that we may appreciate things when we do get them.

As a teacher, I've seen my share of spoiled kids, and the one constant that I've noticed with each of them is that there's always at least one parent that never learned to say "no". My mom was never like that. She always made it a point to make me earn whatever it was I wanted, and even at the risk of alienating me, she never tried to spoil me. It wasn't so great as a kid, of course, but now, many years later, I've truly come to understand that it was all for my greater good, and I've just come to love her even more for it.

So to my mom, the greatest mom in the world, let me just take this opportunity to say, "Thank You!" for denying me many things, for having the courage to listen to me whine about it for years, and for always having the foresight to know that it was all for the better.

I love you. :)

On Friendship and Reciprocity

I'd like to think I'm a generous guy, and I've had people tell me that perhaps I give a bit too much, while getting very little in return from many of the people I call "friends". They say I shouldn't pay for all the things we do, I shouldn't stay up late helping people out with projects, I shouldn't cut vacation time to give seminars, etc. etc.

The thing is, I really don't know any other way to go about things. My concept of friendship has always been one of unconditional loyalty and respect to others, and I very often shower the people I care about with gifts, or whatever it is they need that I feel I can give.

Unfortunately, however, some of the people I thought were friends really didn't seem to view friendship in the same way. They don't seem to care about me as much as I care about them, and they always seem to just talk about themselves, or just seem to want to have our relationship center around their "universe" if you will; we go to the places they want to go, eat wherever they want to eat, do the things they want to do, watch the movies they want to watch, etc. etc.

Now, part of this is my fault. I don't really complain when people end up being so selfish. I just grin and bear it, since I have a very high tolerance for things I may not always be interested in, and a huge supply of patience. I'm not saying I don't even like these things, because in most cases I enjoy them too. I'm just saying that some people don't seem to bother finding out what I like as much as I try to find out what they like. Friends like these, however, I still keep, mainly because I don't fault these people for always assuming that we are so alike. After all, I'm the one who agrees to do these things when I could otherwise speak out.

But I guess a part of me yearns for a certain sense of reciprocity between myself and my friends. I, perhaps naively, wish for people who would treat me with the same care and concern as I treat them; people who would go the extra mile, stay up the extra hour, spend that extra thought or two. I just haven't found many of those in my life.

And then, of course, there are the people who really aren't my friends after all. These people are the ones who, year in and year out, keep taking and taking what I can give, without really giving back. People who expect the care and concern I can give them, but don't even bother to ask me how my day was. People who immediately jump in to any conversation we have with whatever problem is bugging them most, expecting me to either find a solution, or have the time and patience to listen to them rant for hours on end about some generally trivial thing.

I've spent my whole life vainly wishing that these types of people will change, that all of the hard work I've put into the relationships we have will be rewarded some day, and that they will wake up one time and realize that I'm a really cool guy after all and that I deserve to have a day where all they do is think about what I want and what's good for me.

But I guess, as I've gotten older, I've started to realize that people really don't change much over time. Barring any significant life-altering experience, or emotional awakening, these types of people will always be the selfish, attention-grabbing people they've always been. It's my folly (and hubris, I guess) to assume that things will be different if they just get to "realize" what I'm worth. I guess all I've realized is that they won't ever change.

So now I'm declaring to the world that I will view friendship in a more realistic light. I refuse to be used anymore. I refuse to be the person who carries another up a mountain, only to have that person drop me over the other side. I refuse to go beyond the normal bounds of everyday acquaintance-ship with people who have no real interest in being my true friends. I think I've earned this right, after all these years of trying. And I think some people will be shocked when they realize I'm no longer going to give them the time of day.

It's taken me a while now to realize that the thing I thought was infinite patience within me had already been turned to "infinite resignation" (not quite like Kierkegaard, but whatever). I've just given up. It's too hard, I'm too tired, and they're too "not worth it" for me to go on anymore.

My real friends will still be my real friends; I will always be there for them, stronger and more loyal than ever. But why waste my time on people I really feel aren't contributing anything meaningful to my life? When life is so short, why waste another second on a person who wouldn't give a damn about you anyway? From now on, I will devote my time to the people who really matter. After all, they are the ones who've made an effort to know, and do, what really makes me happy.

How much freedom would you be willing to give up?

Let's do a thought experiment for a moment. Let's pretend that the following scenario is possible:

There exists a system by which the perfect world leader can be found. This system is self-sustaining, and will always succeed in finding the right person to lead the entire world. The person selected would be wise, moral, kind and so forth, but would also be firm, fair and responsible. Under this person, the world will experience no more poverty, no more hunger, no more strife.

Wars would be eliminated. People would never again starve to death. Children would never again suffer from malnutrition, lack of education and neglect.

Everyone would be living in relative prosperity. Everyone will be able to have at least the basic necessities of life.

All religions would be respected, no racism would be tolerated, no hatred of fellow person allowed. In short, we would all get to lead the generally free lives we would all want to lead, with the exception of one thing: we do NOT get a choice regarding who leads the world. The system will choose for us.

This leader, for want of a better term, will be known as the "Benevolent Dictator," for it is he/she who would take charge of every government on earth.

The Decision: Would you accept this scenario, if offered? Would you allow one benevolent dictator to run the world, on the understanding that all these other things come true?

* * * * *

My thoughts?

Well, I can break them down into two parts:

1) I think that this scenario is better than what we have now. I don't trust most of the world to properly select the leaders that run our nations. This scenario will lead to the end of global poverty, hunger and strife. This scenario would mean there would be BILLIONS more happy people on earth. And at what expense? The right to choose your elected leader? I would say "do it" in a heartbeat. No hesitation;

2) Do we really trust our leaders anyway? I mean, truly? How many of us are sick and tired of the ineptitude and corruption that seems to permeate the vast majority of the political leadership of the world? I mean, are we REALLY giving up that much? It seems to me that not many of these so-called "leaders" would ever be missed.

And before you all pepper me with ideas like, "but freedom should always be protected...." let me say that I think freedom's good, assuming the choices we make are both capable of improving our lives, and are representative of the very best possible people we can find. I don't put much stock in freedom if you only get, for instance, two choices, neither of which really inspires you.

I'm not advocating a return to a monarchical system; far from it. I am saying that, sometimes, freedom can be overrated, and where billions of lives are at stake, freedom can especially be dangerous. After all, how many dictators and/or idiots have we "elected" under the guise of democracy anyway? And how much damage have they done to our nations, and to the world?

Of course, all of this is contingent on actually FINDING that perfect leader. But assuming we do... what would YOU do?