Why call them "wisdom teeth"???

Just ranting.

I spent 2 and a half hours in the dentist's chair today... having two teeth yanked out. I won't get into the gory details, but suffice to say that one of them was my "wisdom" tooth, and since it was a difficult extraction, the doctor had to work overtime. Needless to say I am in considerable pain, though nothing a good gunshot to the head won't cure. :)

As for that misnomer... I mean, hello??? This is a tooth (set of teeth, actually) that does absolutely nothing for us... So why is it a wisdom tooth?

I mean, I can understand "Achilles heel" or "funny bone," but what great and wise person named this tooth, I'll never know.

Of course, I will never know how in the heck George W. Bush got elected, much less re-elected, so I guess there are bigger mysteries in the Universe to fathom.

The price of memories

I was chatting with my friend a few minutes ago. We were discussing the merits of eating in a place like Sirocco (www.thedomebkk.com), possibly the highest, open-air restaurant in the world... bloody stunning place.

I know someone who spent about US$300 for a dinner for two there, recently. It's not a cheap place, by any means. :)

My friend told me it wasn't worth it, that it was way too expensive.

My reply:

"Some memories will last forever... so they are worth paying for. I wouldn't remember eating in Jollibee (cheap burger place in the Philippines) 100 times!"

Or, as I put it to another great friend recently, "What's money for but to be enjoyed? Money was meant to be used by people to make themselves happy. If we end up getting consumed by just keeping it, instead of using it, then not only do we not enjoy the money, we don't enjoy life."

Of course, having said that, I must stress that I save a lot of my own salary. With my upcoming job, I intend to save at least 50% each month. I will, however, not turn down making life-lasting memories... ;)

Am leaving Thailand in 3 days...

It's going to be a bit surreal, leaving this place. I've had so many great memories. :)

I'll be back someday. I have too many friends here, and too many fond memories. Besides, I've never been to Phuket. :)

I can't imagine I'm trading one of the great tropical paradises on earth for the bitter, bone-numbing winters of Korea. Oh, well... ;)

Op-ed 2: Is it possible to be rich without having some people be poor?

I've studied capitalism for a long while now, and I even have a Masters in Management to prove it, but I've often wondered about one simple thing.

Is it possible to be rich without having some people be poor?

I mean, think about it. The way we determine who is "better off" is if there are many others who are NOT as well-off as that person. What point would there be for Bill Gates to have $50 Billion if everyone else had the same amount of money? Just from the law of supply and demand, that would mean a great deal of competition for limited resources, and Bill Gates wouldn't have any advantage at all over anyone else.

Now think about THAT when you think about the problems of poor countries such as those in Africa.

The US, for instance, has recently stated that it would refuse to promote any kind of carbon emissions reduction program in line with the international community. It has already shot down the Kyoto Protocol. The reason? It would harm the US economy. So billions all over the world struggle with the effects of climate change (which the Republicans refuse to admit is happening), with crops failing, water drying up and millions starving, while the US happily goes on consuming at a degree that is ultimately destructive to the rest of the world. All in pursuit of the great capitalist ideal of "wealth."

Personally, I won't be a hypocrite and say that I would like to be poor. Of course I wouldn't want to be. I, too, want to be rich. I, too, want to live a comfortable life. But even as I attempt to live this kind of life, I can't help wondering about all those who MUST be poor for me to be rich. I'm not going to lie and say that I would rather trade places with them, but I will say that I would rather we had a system that didn't make some people TOO damn rich at the expense of a lot of others who are too damn poor.

For now, however, the status quo dictates that we continue to pursue wealth in this great rat race of life. As a wise man once said, however, "Even if we win this damn race... doesn't that still make us rats in the end?"

Op-Ed 1: Torture

US Vice-President Dick Cheney recently remarked that he didn't want the CIA to be the subject of a US law that specifically bans torture.

That's right. He basically said that he wanted torture to be an option in the war against terror.

Wait a second... I thought the US prided itself on being the "good guy" in all this? How in the heck can you win the hearts and minds of the world when your second highest official is declaring that torture can be a legitimate tool? I thought this was what they were fighting AGAINST? What kind of moral high-ground can the US claim if it condones this kind of activity?

This has been something outlawed by the international community for many decades now, ever since the Geneva Convention, yet this doesn't seem to be fazing the US, the country that prides itself on being the bastion of democracy and freedom.

In the span of a few short months, a number of revelations have been published by major newspapers such as the Washington Post and the LA Times, such as:

1) That torture is an interrogation method that the White House refuses to rule out;
2) That secret "black sites" (secret prisons) existed in different countries, including Thailand, where interrogations of suspects were held without any due legal process; and
3) That secret CIA flights were conducted over German airspace, violating German sovereignty.

These are just a few of the things that have come to light. I'm pretty sure a lot more is going on behind the scenes.

So how can the US ever expect to convince the moderate Islamic World that it is a good country that cares about human rights? I mean, you can't just demand that certain countries adopt certain values and principles if you yourself don't follow those same values and principles. Just because you don't violate them in your own country (where they are clearly illegal), and instead do it on foreign soil, doesn't make it right.

I don't know about you, but Dick Cheney's name couldn't be more fitting. I don't believe the US has any hope in hell of convincing anyone not already on the bandwagon that it is acting appropriately, and within the bounds of human decency. Torture should NEVER be an option, not in any civilized society. I don't care what the end results are meant to be... the day we sacrifice our principles for an end result is the day we bring Machiavelli back to life, and we basically say that our values and principles mean nothing unless we get what we want in the end.

The West Wing

I love the West Wing. :) This is a show that appeals to the debater in me. I love watching how politics COULD work, and knowing that this show has hired former White House staffers as consultants, I know that many of the situations depicted therein, while a bit dramatic, are not too far from the truth.

The current season is great. I especially love the live debate in episode 7 between Democractic nominee Matt Santos (played by Jimmy Smits) and the Republican nominee Arnold Vinick (played by Alan Alda). Great fun. :) Made me want to debate there and then.

The West Wing didn't do so well after Aaron Sorkin (the original creator and writer) left, but it's picked up a great deal lately, and the coming "election" promises to be very exciting.

I can't wait.

In the beginning, there was a complaint...

I've decided to start writing op-ed pieces on my blog. I have so many rants about the world anyway, so what better place to put them than in my own blog?

I'm the "peaks and valleys" guy

I have certain philosophies about life. One of them is that it is way too short to be spent regretting things you haven't done. Of course, there are two ways to think of this:

1) Just stop regretting not doing something;

2) Just do something so you won't have to regret not doing it.

Whenever I'm faced with a choice, I always choose the latter.

You know the old saying, "It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all?" Well, I'm the "loved and lost" guy instead of the "never have loved" guy. I understand that loving and losing anything (person, place, thing, dream, whatever...) is difficult... but I would find my life much more difficult to live if I never even bothered to try.

I had a discussion with a dear friend very recently about life... Do we want to go through life in a steady, constant happy state, never being too happy but at the same time never being too sad, or do we want to go through life with giant peaks and deep valleys, with ecstatic, glorious highs and massively painful lows?

I'm the "peaks and valleys" guy. I'm the one who says that life is meant to be LIVED, not conservatively protected. I'm the one who would uproot himself from his homeland, giving up his business, to travel thousands of miles away to countries he has never lived in before, to try to carve new destinies for himself. That's just the way I am. And if I suffer some pain along the way, what a small price it is to pay to be able to see the top of the world from life's highest peaks. :)

I just had an emotional epiphany while seeing the lights of Bangkok last night, and discovered how great it was to be able to control my own destiny. I have no idea where my life will take me, but I do know that it will be to a place I have carved with my own hands.

I wouldn't have it any other way. :)

Who is the person you admire most in life?

I had a whole slew of heroes growing up. Alexander the Great, Lord Admiral Nelson, Marco Polo, etc... All of whom found a way to leave a mark on their nations and/or the world. I used to think so "big" when I thought of the kinds of people who deserved to be heroes. It just wasn't cool to think of ordinary people at all. After all, if nobody celebrated them, why should they be admired? Isn't admiration a function of popularity and fame? I mean, if nobody admired you... were you even worth admiring?

One person I did NOT consider a hero, growing up, was my dad. It's not that I didn't love him or anything, because I certainly did. But I guess the idea of having "just" your dad as a hero didn't appeal to me. After all, I wanted my life to be about big things and about fulfilling big dreams, right? So why pattern my life after a man I saw everyday? If I wanted to leave my current life, why admire the guy who was living it with me?

Ah, the follies of youth.

I will say it now, publicly, for the very first time in my life. My father is my hero.

This is a man who, at the tender age of 8, lost his own father to a heart attack, and who had to rely on scholarships to get through school. This is a man who had to watch as his own piggy bank was broken open, because his family needed all the money it could get as it was struggling to eke out a living. How many kids get to go through that???

My father studied in a provincial school. He does not have a Masters degree. His first formal job after school was for the minimum wage. He would walk home from work, a very looong walk away, because he wanted to save the money he would otherwise have spent on public transportation. He even gave up smoking when I was very young, partly for health reasons (his and mine), and partly because it was just too expensive for a man trying to support a family. Oh, and did I mention he was just 21 when I was 3?

Now he is a man who commands respect from society. He is a bank president, and one of the top earners in the country. He has no Masters degree, but he has many MBA holders from top universities working for him. He has many rich and powerful friends, none of whom has ever been bothered by a request for a favor from him. He doesn't ask people for help, but he always gives people help. He pays for scholarships for at least 20 people that I am aware of (blind children who would otherwise be ignored by society), and has been personally responsible for educating most of my cousins, all the way up to college. He has the money and the prestige that goes with being a "big" man.

I respect him tremendously for being able to overcome his unfortunate circumstances, and for working so hard to succeed in life, for himself and for his family. I will always look up to him for that.

But the reason I consider him my hero, late as it may be, is not because of what he has done for others, or what he has accomplished in life, but rather for the kind of character he has as a person, and the kind of love he has shown me throughout my life: complete and unconditional. This is the man who first taught me how to shoot a basketball... who showed me how to defend myself in school... who encouraged me to keep trying harder each time I failed... who bought me books for my birthday, instead of toys, so that I would learn the value of reading...

This is the man who would buy dinner for the family, and wait as I ate first, before eating, together with my mom, whatever leftovers remained. This is the man who worked and slaved to put me through probably the finest school in the country, even if it meant scraping by as each new tuition installment came due... giving up expensive vacations, and any other luxury that would have taken away from what I needed. This is the man who had to watch his officemates drive past him each day, not offering him a ride home, as he walked each tired step home to save 25 centavos (then about 12 US cents), only to watch me grow up and spend many times that amount for stupid things I never needed.

This is the man who endured my anger and resentment as a rebellious teenager, and who would offer me love and support no matter what.

Heck, this is the man who drove me for 2 hours as I searched for the house of the girl who would become my first-ever girlfriend...

I owe him everything I have in life.

Alexander the Great (my first "big" hero) may have conquered the known world... but my father laid his pride and his heart on the line, to scrape by whatever job he could get, just so that I could eat. My father is the greater hero.

Lord Admiral Nelson conquered the Spanish armada against the greatest of odds, and died in glory for it. My father has lived his whole life to make a better life for myself and my brother and sister, sacrificing his own personal happiness along the way whenever it was necessary to do so. My father is the greater hero.

Marco Polo travelled to lands his own countrymen could only dream of, and helped to open communication lines with fabled empires far, far away. My father travelled all over the Philippines, moving homes 9 different times before I was 18, all because he was searching for the best opportunity for his family. He turned down a move to New York, because he was concerned about his children growing up with a different set of values, in a country that would treat them as second-class citizens. My father would have gone and worked anywhere and everywhere, if it meant making all of us happy... but his heart would always remain at home. My father is the greater hero.

It's taken me a long, long time to admit how stupid I was for thinking that heroes had to be famous to be admired. The greatest heroes are exalted not because they conquer things (otherwise Hitler would be revered today), but because they inspire people to dream of bigger things. They accomplish magnificent goals because they motivate others to work for those goals with them. My father's only goals in life were to make his family happy, and see that his children grow up healthy and educated and well-mannered. He has accomplished all of these. He has molded me into the person I am today, and each person I help now, each cause I fight for, each value I strive to uphold, owes everything to my father's original inspiration. Who's to say that this is any less of an accomplishment than conquering the world?

I love my dad. He is the greatest man I have ever met in my life. And there is probably no better thing I can say than this: "I am proud to be his son."

What a great time in Malaysia

I spent the past weekend in Malaysia, visiting friends and helping out with debate at a university. Had a great time. :)

What I really appreciated about the whole thing was how warm and friendly the entire group of debaters were in that club I helped out. Absolutely amazing. One of the closest-knit, ego-less societies I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

The only downside was I forgot my DVD copy of "Once upon a time in China 2" in the debate room. Oh well...

Now back to work... :)

Funny stuff :)

These have been circulating forever, and I wish I knew who wrote them so I could give credit, but since I don't I'll just say that I got these somewhere on the net:

LOVE EQUATIONS

Smart man + Smart woman = Romance

Smart man + Dumb woman = Affair

Dumb man + Smart woman = Marriage

Dumb man + Dumb woman = Pregnancy


SHOPPING MATH

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item she doesn't need.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman always has the last say in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men
are a lot more willing to die.

=)

Countdown to Korea

My countdown to Korea has begun... Whatever happens, I'm definitely going. It's just a question of when.

Damn. It's going to be cold when I get there. :)

I wonder if it's just me, or are human beings really victims of wanderlust? I mean, we all want new things, new experiences, new friends, new places... right?

I think part of the problem with my lack of "stability" is the fact that I can't stand to be in any one place longer than a few years. It's just who I am. I always want to be on the move, seeking new challenges wherever I go. I'm just not sure I'd have the guts to move to Africa, though. Hmmmm.... after all, Asia is big enough. :)

What's missing?

Why am I lacking in inspiration? What is missing in my life that is preventing me from being fulfilled?

Just a small rant

I'm sooooo damn tired. :( I think I've been taking on too much work lately. The last three days have been just about me giving seminars (either on debating or on cross-cultural communication). I mean, I'm grateful I'm getting work, unlike many unfortunate folks out there, but I'd still like to be able to catch my breath once in a while.

Makes we wonder what it is I'm working for, exactly. I mean, if you work so hard and all you get is tired... why work so hard? Shouldn't life be a bit more relaxing and stress-free? :)

Oh, well... back to the grind...

The President and the Queen

I got this via e-mail, and thought I would share it with everyone... ;)

* * * * *

George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty,how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you cangive me? "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people." Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle.

The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send The Prime Minister in here, would you?" Tony Blair walks into the room. "Your Majesty..." The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Blair answers,"That would be me!" "Yes! Very good!" says the Queen.

Back at the White House, Bush calls in his vice president, Dick Cheney. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?"

"I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one." Dick Cheney goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!" Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!" Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and asks to speak with Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell." Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair".

Random question

If you had just one wish in the world (and, no, you couldn't wish for more wishes), what wish would you wish for?

The ultimate consequence of the war on terror

Acidly funny comedian

I love Stephen Colbert. He's the exceptionally caustic and funny comic who acted as correspondent for the Daily Show with Jon Stewart before he got his own show, The Colbert Report. He's just brilliant. :)

I've been checking out the first few shows of The Colber Report, and I must say that he's a master at bitingly sarcastic, intelligent humor. Of course, he's just playing the part of a vain, narcissistic egoist who is clueless about many things, but that's part of the fun. :) You should have seen his segment with Stone Philips... hilarious stuff. :)

Makes me almost forget I'm still sick...

Bush is as dumb as....

I'm holding a contest to determine the best "Bush is as dumb as..." line. :) Winner gets as many grains of rice as Bush has IQ points... Which could either mean a lot of food, or starvation... depending on how Republican you are. ;)

Please send in your entries. :)

Anonymous Quote of the Day

"Behind every great man is a very surprised woman."

- Anonymous woman =)

What is the greatest invention in human history?

Just wondering. :) Makes for an interesting discussion point, eh?

If I could only pick one, I'd be hard-pressed to make a decision. After all, I know that some ground-breaking inventions such as the computer, the car and even the airplane have been instrumental in getting human society to move forward, but I can't help wondering whether we'd all be happy if we didn't have any toilet paper. :)

That kinda puts things in perspective... ;)

No great invention is possible without the little things in life that free us to search for the big things. That's true for everything else in life.

Happiness

I have a new definition for happiness.

Happiness, for me, is having the freedom to pursue your dreams, and the capacity to make SOME of those dreams come true. The key, though, is in not knowing which of those you will get to achieve. ;)

I think the problem with most people's definition of happiness is that it is often static, some kind of fixed, unmoving ideal or goal (i.e. a big house, a Porsche, etc.).

Once you get that, what else would you be able to get to be happy? This is probably why we hear so many stories of ultra-rich people being so unhappy. When you already have the entire world at your feet, and you can get anything you want... what's the point in getting it? There's no more thrill to life.

Dreams, on the other hand, offer us a glimpse into the realms of our highest aspirations... the ones that touch our soul. No matter how much we have, we always dream of having more. I would like to be able to fulfill only some of my dreams... so that I will always learn to appreciate the things that I can have, and I will always have some additional purpose to my life... to live so that I can continue to yearn for something more.

After all, if I get everything I could ever want, what's the point of living any more? :)

Hilarious video! :)

This is a hilarious video. :) Certifiable proof that man should NOT be given too much idle time. ;)

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6739710473912337648&q=chinese&pr

Marilyn Monroe's last poem

Let lovers breathe their sighs
And roses bloom and music sound
Let passion burn on lips and eyes
And pleasures merry world go round
Let golden sunshine flood the sky
And Let Me Love
Or Let Me Die!

- Poem written by Marilyn Monroe to Pres. John F. Kennedy, May 29, 1962
Marilyn Monroe died on August 5 of the same year.

The joys of Karaoke :)

What is it about singing that just seems to lift the spirit? I'm sure there's some scientific evidence to support the conclusion that singing makes people feel better (maybe it releases endorphins or something), but right now all I have to go by is personal experience. All I know is that I have always had a good time when I've gone out to sing. It's like a catharsis for me... as if all my troubles wash away when I'm singing. Cool. :)

I should go out and sing more often.

The World Youth Alliance

I had been involved with running the World Youth Alliance's Bangkok training leg which was held this past weekend, and haven't had much time to write in my blog. Everything's done, though, so I can get back to the usual hustle and bustle of maintaining an online blog. ;)

In the meantime, for those of you interested in a really worthwhile organization that supports youth rights and the dignity of the human person, please visit www.wya.net. Some of you may be interested in applying for an internship in New York. :)

The WYA is the world's largest youth NGO, and is officially accredited by the UN and the EU. The founder, Anna Halpine, is a wonderful young lady with a great vision for how the youth can contribute to making the world a better place. If you're interested at all in learning how you can make a difference, go visit the web-site today.

Hope you all have a good week ahead.

Quotes from Robin Williams

"See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time."

"Ballet: Men wearing pants so tight that you can tell what religion they are."

"Ah, yes, divorce, from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet."

"Everyone has these two visions when they hold their child for the first time. The first is your child as an adult saying 'I want to thank the Nobel Committee for this award.' The other is 'You want fries with that?'"

"A woman would never make a nuclear bomb. They would never make a weapon that kills, no, no. They'd make a weapon that makes you feel bad for a while."

=)

The things we take for granted

Just a few random thoughts on things in life that we take for granted... until we don't have them, that is:

1) Running water - Ever been in the shower, all soaped up, shampoo dripping into your eyes, when the water just cut out?

2) Staplers - Just when you've got that important report to submit...

3) Rice - Especially when you've got a great, saucy dish... like adobo or kare-kare.

4) Refrigerators - You won't miss cold water until you can't have it anymore.

5) Toilet paper - I won't get graphic, but you understand.

6) Extension cords - Ever tried to get a printer, a computer, a fax AND an electric fan to fit in the same side of the room?

7) Mobile phone chargers - Ever been on a trip abroad, only to realize your phone has precious little battery life left... and no charger?

8) Band-aids - Ever had a blister in your foot that kept on rubbing against your shoe...?

9) Hand sanitizers - Especially after you've touched something icky.

10) Clothes lines - Ever had a ton of wet laundry... only to have your only clothes line snap? Where would you dry things then? (Easier in a big house... awful in a tiny condo)

I've got a lot more, but it's getting late, so.... :)

What my shadows call home

i have waited a lonely lifetime
for a soul to call mine
and i wait even longer still
even now, as my sigh leaves an aching chill
inside the myriad of empty lights
that fill
what my shadows call home.
and when those passing thoughts
no longer whisk fleeting by
and instead cling to a heart-shaped tear
shaping inside my mind's crying eye
i shake, in sullen sorrow, in hopeless pain
at the insistence of memories
as pounding as the pouring rain
that always seem to come, even as i
try to find my once-promised summer sky.
i kneel before my silent altar
upon which my supplications spill
only to overflow onto a once antiseptic floor
dirtied more by a remembrance of
what i once, in naivete, had before
and which gazes back, as still
as the pale, lazy, inconstant star
i had once pinned my hopes upon
and which continues to sullenly shine,
mocking, an unsympathetic witness... forevermore.

Only three things matter in the end

"In the end, only three things matter most: How fully you lived, how deeply you loved, and how well you learned to let go of things not meant for you."

- Old Buddhist saying

Pics from Korea

Just some pics from my last trip to Korea. :)

Quote of the day

This just got me thinking...

"Success isn't what makes you happy. It really isn't. Success is doing what makes you happy and doing good work and hopefully having a fruitful life. If I've felt like I've done good work, that makes me happy. The success part of it is all gravy."

- Philip Seymour Hoffman, actor

Sonya's Garden

Had a wonderful Saturday morning at Sonya's Garden, on the outskirts of Tagaytay. :)

Two great pals took me there to see the place and have breakfast. We ended up having a great time with good food and even better conversation.

I also got to meet the actual owner of the place, Sonya Garcia (no relation) and some of her friends, famed photographer Mandy Navasero and TV host Julie Yap-Daza. We had a great time talking about all sorts of things, but the most interesting part of the conversation dealt with the differences between men and women. I don't really have time to recount the whole conversation, but the gist of it was this:

"Men are focused on the big picture. They tend not to notice details. Women, on the other hand, focus more on details, rather than the big picture."

There are a lot of interesting implications to this. I don't have time to discuss all of them right now, but I'll come back to edit this entry later and add more regarding this.

Would you waste your time on people you didn't like?

I had a conversation with a good friend last night. We had met up for coffee and some excellent tiramisu, and were discussing why I didn't seem to want to meet a lot of people from my past. I told her that life was too short, so why bother meeting people I didn't like?

Of course, all that made sense to me at the time, but I guess she made me think about my policy towards people. I suppose I'm rather inflexible with regard to those who've hurt me in the past. I don't tend to forgive easily, and even those I have forgiven, I tend to want to forget about anyway. It's very, very difficult to give people a second chance, especially when the first time wasn't so good.

But the blade cuts both ways, I guess, and I have disappointed many people in my life. I suppose that, if I want the privilege of a second chance, I can't be so misguided and egoistic as to assume that I'm the only person on earth who deserves it. After all, if I've hurt others without intending to, couldn't the same be said of others with me?

It's just bloody tough to do, though. :( I mean, it's one thing to say that you want to be fair... it's another thing to actually apply it in real life. It's just so much easier to be the selfish one, and to take what others can give. It's so much harder to be the one giving, when others only want to take.

This is the paradox of friendship, I suppose: you never really test it until your friends hurt you, or you hurt them. Until that time, you can't really be sure you're friends.

Oh, to be sure, there are those few people with whom you've always gotten along. These are the ones I truly treasure, because we've been blessed with the ability to accept each other, imperfections and all. But what kind of life would I be leading if the only people I ever really talked to were the ones who agreed with me? Who would take me task then? Who would tell me when I was being stupid, or silly, or arrogant, or insensitive? Who would challenge me when I did things that hurt others? Who would really bother?

The answer is pretty simple: friends, of course. Real friends are those who aren't afraid to tell you things you don't want to hear. And real friends are also those who would accept what was being said, regardless of how much they liked hearing it. I have had some real friends in my life, whom I've probably neglected or ignored mainly because they told me things I wasn't prepared to accept about myself, or because they've hurt me in ways necessary to my growth, if painful to my ego. The question, the real question I suppose, is whether I've been a real enough friend to them to continue to be there for them, even when they didn't indulge my every whim. When taken in this light, I suppose I may have been less of a friend to them than they have been to me.

Maybe second chances are all right. After all, I'm probably the one who needs them more than most. Would you waste time on people you didn't like? I'd hope so. Because that person you consider a waste might just turn out to be me.

The statues do have clay feet

I'm old enough by now to know that life isn't always what you want it to be. In fact, most times it's downright the opposite of what you want or expect.

Just because I'm old enough, however, it doesn't mean I'm always smart enough to tell the difference between a vain hope and a realistic possibility. Sometimes our hearts blind us to what our eyes are really seeing... especially when it comes to the things we've been wanting for a long, long time.

I once fell in love with this girl, a long time ago, whom I thought was absolutely perfect. She was really smart, cute and interesting. She had a zest for life that was downright infectious, and a keen desire to learn new things and experience things few people would consider. She could speak four languages, sail a yacht, paint, shape pottery and write poetry. She was, in my mind, everything I ever wanted in a woman.

I was in love with her for three long years, until she finally agreed to be my girlfriend.

Our relationship lasted all of two weeks.

What I found out, after we got together, was that the woman I felt I fell in love with was not actually the woman I got. Sure, she was all the things I mentioned, but she was also cold, selfish, vain and mean-spirited. She didn't think twice about making fun of other people. She even told me she didn't regret doing bad things to me (back when I was still courting her) because I "asked for it." She was not kind to hired help, and to waiters in restaurants. Heck, she even had lousy taste in perfume.

It was then that I realized that the biggest problem we face in running after someone, or even something, isn't that we may not get what we want. On the contrary, the biggest problem is that we won't like it when we get it.

You see, we often put what we love on a pedestal. We think that what we want is the greatest thing on earth, and that, if we could only just reach it, we would be happy beyond measure. The jarring truth is that our expectations and our dreams are often far beyond the reach of reality, and what we end up wanting isn't what we really see, but what we really want to see. The more we end up wanting something, the more we seem willing to blind ourselves to the truth of its imperfections. Sure the girl is beautiful... but is she a good person? Sure that car is fast... but does it break down easily? Sure money can buy a lot of things... but will it ever buy satisfaction?

Many times in my life I've convinced myself that I can live with whatever imperfections my "statues" have, while at the same time dreaming of them as perfect as they can be. It's just not a realistic way to live, and I've paid for that folly many times with bitter disappointment. I've often realized that the whole time I kept wanting what I dreamed of, what was really out there wasn't really worth it.

The key is to understand that every full moon has a dark side, that every great thing often has an equally great flaw, and that wanting something should also include wanting ALL of that thing, warts and all. You can't expect your dreams to be fulfilled by something perfect. Because if you want them fulfilled in the real world, you have to take real things... and these things are never perfect.

I've turned the corner on my life in Thailand. A lot of it has been pleasant, but some of the dreams I'd nurtured for so long didn't really turn out the way I had planned them to. I guess it's tough to expect someone or something to be worthy of your dreams. After all, in dreams, we have no limitations, no boundaries to hold us back. What could ever live up to those? I guess the sooner I accept that, the easier it will be for me to move on.

I did something really stupid

I went to my school yesterday night, in order to meet up with my thesis adviser and a number of other classmates and to present a progress report on my thesis.

When I got there, just a few minutes before my presentation time, I went to the computer room to do some last minute editing of my PowerPoint, then proceeded to go to my adviser's office to meet up with him and the other folks. The only problem was, no one was there.

When 7 pm arrived (the scheduled time of my presentation), I went searching through each of the floors of the building, and went to each open classroom, to see where they might be. I couldn't find them.

So I called up the administration office to ask if they could help me locate my adviser. Apparently, no one had seen him the entire day.

That's when it dawned on me.

I had come one week early to the meeting. :)

Sometimes, when you're so focused on something, you get so blind to everything else that you can make stupid mistakes. This was one of those times. I suppose I should have read the e-mail more carefully, but I was so focused on doing the thesis presentation right (you should see my PowerPoint) that I didn't even pay attention to one of the most important aspects of meetings: know when you are supposed to meet.

I just chuckled to myself all the way home. :) After all, it could have been worse. I could have been one week late to the meeting. As it is, I'm more than ready when I finally do have to present. It's still small consolation, though, for feeling really stupid. ;)

Why would you let someone else describe your life for you?

I just spoke with a friend earlier, and she said something quite nice. We were discussing the topic of living your own life, and she said that, no matter what, she would always want to lead a life she chose for herself, regardless of what others thought. Her exact words were, "Why let someone else describe what your life should be? You should be the one determining how you want to live."

Great point.

Sometimes, we take for granted that we have our own lives to lead. We often let the dictates of society rule our lives. We let our friends choose things for us, (ex. "Why go out with her... she's so ugly?") sometimes stopping ourselves from doing what we really want to do, sometimes stopping ourselves from even thinking of what to do. How many of us have chosen our career paths because our parents told us to take a certain degree in college? How many of us have broken up with someone because our families couldn't, or wouldn't, like him/her? How many of us have eaten food we didn't want to eat, gone to places we didn't want to go to, or even avoided things we didn't want to avoid... all because other people told us to, and not because we made an honest, open, informed choice?

I agree with my friend. If we keep doing things we don't want to do, we are letting other people "describe" what our lives will be like. We are surrendering our destinies to other people. And we will lose what little of ourselves we have.

The next time someone asks you to describe your life, and what you do, ask yourself this, "Is this the life I truly want to lead?" Because if it's not, stop describing it. Just tell him/her to go to your friends and family, and society in general, and ask them. After all, you're living the life THEY want to live.

Life doesn't seem so bad when you've got great friends

"No one is ever poor who has friends." - old saying

It's great when you have great friends. :) Life doesn't seem so bad then.

I used to think I could be happy just living on my own. Three years in Thailand has changed all that. Now I realize how important frienships are to a person's well-being, and I'll forever be grateful to the good friends I met while here, because they are the ones who helped me see that.

I'll be leaving Thailand for good this December, but no matter where I go or what I will do, I will always remember the times I had here with fondness.

If you're not learning something new each day, you're not really living

I believe that you're not really living life unless you are learning something new each day. Otherwise, why bother?

It doesn't have to be something big, like learning the Theory of Relativity (which, I suspect, even Einstein was still grappling with when he died). No. It could be something as simple as finding out that a good friend of yours likes the same music you do, or that your favorite food has some really cool healthy properties after all.

Life, I feel, is all about making yourself a better person, and learning more about yourself and the world is a good way to start. :)

Buddhism is an interesting religion

Had a really interesting conversation with a friend today.

She's a very religious Buddhist, and she was telling me about the whole nature of karma, birth and rebirth, nirvana, etc...

I'm really intrigued by the whole concept of Buddhism. It's such a peaceful religion. It's all about harmony, and finding a way to improve yourself over countless lifetimes. Naturally, as a Catholic, I'm not supposed to believe in this whole cycle of rebirth. But the notion that our lives would not be our only hope of salvation... that appeals to me greatly.

Catholics are supposed to believe that we only get one shot at life. That the life we lead now is our only hope of salvation. Makes me wonder about all those whose lives were cut short, without the opportunity for redemption. Is that fair? I mean, if I'm 14 years old, and still pretty much immature... how the heck am I to live a truly authentic, Christian life? And if that life of mine is snuffed out, just as those kids' were at Columbine, then would that mean I had less of a chance to "earn" Heaven than, say, Donald Trump? How come he gets more years, and those kids didn't?

It made me even think of the concept of the Virgin Mary... I mean, I always thought it was a bit unfair that she got to be conceived without original sin. Wouldn't it be logical to assume that, if she's the only one on earth to be blessed without original sin, that she would be less predisposed to sin? And that she would have an easier time earning the path to Heaven?

I don't know. I guess, in spite of the fact that I believe in God, I'm still grappling with some of the fundamental tenets of my own faith. There is much to like about the ideas of Buddhism, just as there are some ideas to admire in Islam, etc. Religion is a fascinating thing, and in as much as I'm trying to live an authentic life on earth, I feel it my duty to try to learn more about how some people try to be good, and avoid evil. Perhaps it'll even make me a better Catholic at the end of it all.

In the Distance

Cry of spirit borne
Upon gentle windswept morn
Away from heart and hope

I wake up alone
And seek the solace I've known
Only to see you gone

And somewhere my soul
Unsettled and still unwhole,
Cries, in the distance

That has come between
Where you and I had once been
You no longer seen

Heart no longer felt
Senses no longer my own
You no longer home.

A Challenge to God's Existence

There's this old philosophical problem regarding the existence of God. Many people have used it either to question God's existence, or to reaffirm the idea that human beings are responsible for their own fates. It goes like this...

Premise 1: God is all-powerful.

Premise 2: God is all-loving.

Premise 3: God is all-knowing.

Questions: If God is all-powerful AND all-loving, then how do we explain the existence of war? How do we explain the horrors of the Holocaust? Of terrorism?

If Premise 3 (all-knowing) is correct, God knew ahead of time that millions of innocent children would be raped, tortured and killed, and did nothing at all to stop it. This would either invalidate Premise 2 (all-loving), because if God is all-powerful, and He did nothing to stop these horrors, then he clearly doesn't love the children enough, OR invalidate Premise 1 (all-powerful), because if God is all-loving, and he did nothing to stop these horrors, then surely he must not be powerful enough to stop them. If, however, God did NOT know about the horrors in advance, because human beings have "free choice," then that invalidates Premise 3 (all-knowing), and the fate of humanity rests, not on the wisdom and power of an Almighty, but rather on the whims and caprices of our flawed human society.

In simpler terms, "Why would an all-loving God allow a child to be raped? Does this mean that He has no power to stop it? Or if He does, does this mean He won't interfere when evil occurs?"

Of course, there are those who will say that this kind of logic is flawed, and that we, as humans, cannot possibly understand the vastness and greatness that is God. True enough. But if God could directly intervene in people's lives, such as those incidents in the Bible, when He "gave" Samson his strength one last time, or when He sent angels to save Lot from the destruction of Sodom and Gomorrah, then why can't He intervene now? Does He just not want to? What made them so special that they deserved His intervention? (King David even caused the death of a woman's husband, just so he could sleep with her... and God still let him be Israel's greatest King) Why are so many innocents left to die today?

Others would say that this is why God created human beings... so we could do good deeds, and save the world from evil. But since when did that become solely our job? Why isn't God getting as involved as He used to be? How come there are no more visions, no more direct communications... no more miracles?

I'll be honest. I thought about these issues for a long time. Perhaps too long. I let them stew in my head. I let them fester and rot inside my faith. I let myself question the very existence of God.

And yet I still believe.

It's not just a "leap of faith" as some philosophers/theologians may call it. It's an informed, conscious decision based on empirical evidence. I believe because I can see God everyday. I believe because, even through the despair and the death and the horror, I can still see love and compassion and caring. Hurricane Katrina killed thousands... and yet there are outpourings of support from millions all over the world. For each person that died there, there are thousands left to do good things for all the survivors.

Make no mistake...evil does exist, in the hearts of men and women, if nowhere else. Bad things will still happen. But the world has come a long way from the days of colonization and slavery, and we're going further still. Sure, sometimes we screw up... but each time we do, we have the media to remind us of how horrifying we can be in our ignorance and stupidity... and we have enough of a conscience to try to set things right, flawed though the attempt may be.

And are there really no miracles? Wasn't it just a little over a hundred years ago that we still could not fly without a balloon? Wasn't it just 50 years ago that we couldn't replace a human heart? Wasn't it just 20 years ago that we couldn't fathom sending mail to each other that would get to each of us in less than a second? And wasn't it just 5 years ago that we couldn't yet reach Mars?

Now we've found ice on Mars... and the possibility of life on another planet. We can save unborn babies, even when their mothers are brain-dead and comatose. We can reach the stars... and we can sustain life. What more proof of God's existence do we really need?

And through a little over two thousand years since Jesus walked the earth, our societies have learned to communicate, to band together against war and famine, to develop medicines that have cured diseases that used to kill millions, to affirm the rights of women and minorities, to reject violence and terror as a legitimate means to achieve power. We've seen human society change to the point where a man (Gandhi) could topple a colonial power (England's) simply by doing nothing but ask for peace. And all this progress, all this change, has been wrought in less time than it takes to decompose a Coca-Cola can... isn't that miracle enough?

Yes, vile, horrible things will happen. Yes, innocents will suffer and die. This is the ugliness of life. Yet the fact that we can think of this as a problem that we need to solve, the fact that we care so much about solving it that we would dare question God Himself... all this shows just how far human society has progressed since the time of the Romans, where the masses would call for public executions of people whose only fault at times was not being good enough to kill someone else. If we can still be disgusted by how bad things are, then, surely, human society will continue to strive to do more good.

I don't know what else God has left to prove to some, but given that we still have our human freedom, and a much, much better world since He last walked the earth, I'm thinking He has proven enough.

Praew, Amp, Me, Afong and Billy - The 2005 Thai National Environmentals Champions

Questions of the day

Question #1: If everyone in the world is unique, then how do you replace someone you love?

Question #2: And if every new person brings something new to the table, then is committing to someone an act of "settling" for something that might one day be eclipsed by someone else?

I've been wondering about these questions lately. On the one hand, we tell ourselves that no single love, no matter how great, could ruin an entire lifetime by its loss. This is the only way we can convince ourselves to move on, to continue to seek someone new, to not give up on love. But on the other hand, if it is possible to find a new love that is equally grand, if not more so, then why settle for just the one that you have now? Why not wait until a greater love comes along?

Perhaps I should add a third question: "When is a great love great enough for a lifelong commitment?"

I don't pretend to have all the answers. I guess each of us, in his or her own way, would have to find the answers that make sense for each of our lives. In situations like these, I doubt there's any rule of thumb anyway. Love, invariably, ends up becoming a phenomenological exercise... a sort of "you've got to experience it to understand it" kind of thing. For some, the question of who is the right love for them is answered quickly, and often happily. I have friends who married their childhood sweethearts, and seem very happy indeed. They have loving families, and are content with their lot in life. On the other hand, I also have friends who flit from one relationship to another... never satisfied with what they have, but still happy in that they have their freedom to choose that "great love" that may one day come along.

Whichever side of the spectrum you might be might depend on your inclinations and your own personal goals. If your goal is to have a family by the age of 25, then the best person you find by that age is really the person for you. If, however, your goal is to have a career you can be proud of, and a family later on, then finding the right guy/girl might not be so easy.

I'll keep thinking of my own answers to the questions I posted above, and may revisit this post a few years down the road. Right now, however, the answers I've got are, respectively:

1) You never do. You move on, celebrating the special time you had, but hopeful for the future and whomever it may bring.

2) If you even have a doubt as to whether you're settling for someone, then you're settling for someone. Don't settle.

3) The true test of "greatness" is whether it motivates you to action. Martin Luther King, Jr. was great because he motivated millions to action. The same goes for Gandhi, and Churchill, and even the old war leaders like Alexander the Great, Attila the Hun or Napoleon. If Wallis Warfield Simpson ever doubted King Edward VIII's love for her, the fact that he abdicated the throne and gave up a nation to marry her should have settled all doubts. So if I ever find that girl "great" enough... I won't have to wonder. When I slip that ring on her finger... THAT's when I know I've found that someone great.

I'm switching over from Friendster

Got tired of the technical glitches on Friendster that prevented me from posting anything new for a while. I hope this site doesn't have the same problems. It's ironic that my last entry on Friendster was a "sigh" of relief that, perhaps, the problems of Friendster's blogging system were solved.

How wrong I was.

My previous blog URL was the following:

http://peejaygarcia.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/

To all my friends from Friendster, welcome! :) To everyone else, I'd like to get to know you too. Feel free to drop by at any time.

Hope everyone has a good day!